The Doors of the Mind
by Telperion
Summary: Jack needs to find out what is in his lost memories. JackNine slash
1. Part One

Disclaimer: The Doctor and all his companions are the property of the BBC and Russell T. Davies. They are not mine, nor will they ever be.

Spoilers: minor mentions of various Season One episodes.

A/N: set between 'Boom Town' and 'Bad Wolf'

The Doors of the Mind

Part One 

The dreams had started again. He could tell just by looking. The skin was too pale, the bags under the eyes too pronounced. The smile was too brittle, the laugh too forced. All the signs of man who was afraid to sleep – afraid of what he would see when he closed his eyes.

* * *

Jack could feel the Doctor watching him and he tried to ignore it, forcing a laugh at yet another one of Rose's stupid twenty-first century jokes. But he could still sense the Doctor's eyes on him, and he knew that it wouldn't be long until the other man said something. The Doctor knew, and Jack knew that he knew. And the Doctor knew that Jack knew that he knew. And sooner or later the Doctor _would_ say something, trying to help, but in fact only making Jack feel _more_ helpless. 

Because there was nothing to be done. Every night he hoped that, just for once, he would be left alone to sleep in peace. But every night his hopes were dashed, and he once more found himself in a place that he didn't understand and that he couldn't control.

Suddenly, Jack became aware that Rose had stopped talking and was looking at him strangely. She'd obviously finished a joke, and he'd forgotten to laugh. Well, it was too late now.

"Jack, are you alright?"

"No, he's not." The Doctor had walked over to them without Jack noticing, and the Captain was suddenly worried that the Time Lord might say something unfortunate. "He's not been sleeping properly, that's all. Don't worry."

Relieved, Jack hastened to agree. The last thing he needed was Rose thinking he was a head-case or something. "I'm fine, Rose. Like the Doctor said. I just spaced out for a minute, that's all. Come on, tell me your joke again. I promise to listen this time."

And so it continued. The Doctor watching, and Jack feigning ignorance. But he knew it couldn't last.

* * *

"So, what are they about?" 

Knowing that it would fail, Jack tried nonetheless to play the innocent. "Rose's jokes? Search me. There's a lot of knocking in them, and often doctors, funnily enough. Can't imagine why she thought those ones would be appropriate."

Silence. Evidently, Jack was not fooling anyone. He gave in.

"I don't know, okay. They're completely meaningless."

"And yet disturbing." The way the Doctor said it, it was almost like he'd experienced the dreams for himself.

"Alright, yes. But I don't know why."

"Why don't you tell me exactly what happens?"

Jack sighed. He really didn't want to get into this. Looking stupid and pathetic in front of the Doctor was not high on his 'to do' list for the day. But the expression on the Time Lord's face told him that there was no getting out of this one – the Doctor was going to try and help whether Jack wanted him to or not.

"Well…" he began reluctantly, "it all starts out really dark. Like, so dark I can't even see my hand in front of my face. But then it starts to get brighter in front of me, so I walk towards the light. It's like the light holds some kind of truth or something. And I need is to go into it to find out what that truth is." He shrugged. "Either that, or someone's trying to tell me very unsubtlely that I'm about to die, and that whole 'walking into the light' cliché isn't such a cliché after all."

Silence again. Obviously flip remarks weren't going to get him off the hook either. "So, anyway," he continued uncomfortably, "I'm walking into the light when all of a sudden a new patch of darkness appears right in the middle of it. The darkness gets bigger really quickly, like it's rushing at me, trying to get me. Then I'm completely surrounded by it again, but this time it's like a physical presence. I can feel it suffocating me, crushing me…and then I wake up."

Hesitantly, Jack looked at the Doctor. He was definitely feeling pretty pathetic and stupid right about now, and figured that he was about to be on the receiving end of a withering look and a whole heap of sarcastic comments about how he should grow up and stop being afraid of the dark. Instead, however, the Doctor looked thoughtful, and more than a little sympathetic.

"Everyone has some darkness in their soul, Jack," the Time Lord said softly. "You more than most, I think. Not everyone has to deal with losing two years of their memories, and not having a clue why."

Jack grimaced. "It always comes back to that," he muttered. "The Time Agency only took two years of my life away, so while does it feel like they're slowly taking the rest of it too?"

"Closure," said the Doctor simply. "They took your memories to protect themselves, and probably you too, but by trying to prevent you from remembering what happened, they've only made you more desperate to find out the truth. And yet every time you do try, something blocks you, stops you from getting too close to the facts."

"So what you're saying is that I'm never going to have a decent night's sleep again unless I find out what my former employers are hiding from me?"

"I don't know about never having a good night's sleep again, but you certainly won't rest easy. You're a straightforward, decent guy, Jack. Secrets and lies don't sit well with you. To be honest, I could never understand why you became a Time Agent. That line of work is deceitful by its very nature…I should know."

Jack looked at the Doctor. As usual, the Time Lord's face was a mask, and the Captain could detect nothing of the emotions underneath. Who knew what lies this 900-year-old man had had to tell during his life, and what secrets he still kept? Uneasily, Jack wondered if he would ever really know the person standing in front of him. Then he decided it didn't matter. The Doctor was a good person – even if there were facets of himself he kept hidden – and Jack trusted him.

"You're right, Doctor. I do need to know. I've always needed to know. I've just never really known what to do about it. But now that you're here, we can just travel to some point in those two years, and find out what I was doing."

"No." The word was spoken flatly, and brooked no argument. Nevertheless, Jack tried.

"Why not? Hop in and hop out. We'd hardly need to be there any time at all."

"No, Jack. I don't take people into their pasts," said the Doctor. "Well, I did once," he amended. "Rose asked me, and I couldn't say no. But I learned my lesson there. It's not a safe course of action. Can you honestly say you'd just 'hop in and hop out'? You know you wouldn't, Jack. Once you found out what was going on, you'd want to change it. You'd want to prevent your memories from ever having been taken. And that sort of thing never ends well. Meddling in your own timeline is dangerous. Your life would be at stake. All our lives would be at stake."

"But I'd be careful," Jack protested. "Nothing like that would happen. I promise."

"No."

Jack grew angry. "You say you want to help me, but you won't do the one thing that would actually be helpful! What use is all your psychoanalysis to me if you won't follow through with anything practical? What's the point, Doctor? Why even bother?"

"I want to help you, Jack. I do." And Jack was startled to hear the note of pleading in the Doctor's voice, begging him not to be angry, not to turn away. "But I can't do what you ask. It's too dangerous. Please, trust me."

Jack sighed, his anger dissipating as quickly as it had appeared. "I do trust you, Doctor," he said wearily. "It's just frustrating. As far as I can see, there's no way I can get my memories back."

* * *

Jack's eyes opened, and for a few seconds his gaze darted frantically around the room, trying to find a glimmer of light, trying to escape the darkness that was waiting for him back in his dreams. But as he adjusted he soon recognised the soft glow emanating from the ceiling of his room – an anomaly he had never been able to explain, and one that at the moment he found quite comforting – and the gentle humming pulse of the TARDIS as it floated steadily through time and space. He felt his breathing slow and his heartbeat calm, and soon he was on the inevitable slide back into sleep. 

However, right on the cusp, in that place where a person is neither asleep nor awake, something stopped him from dropping back into his slumber, and in that moment he identified the presence of someone else in the room. All thoughts of sleep fled, and he sat up.

"What are you doing here?"

There was a movement in the shadows – a mere shifting of black on black – as if the person sitting there was annoyed to have been discovered. But the voice, when it spoke, betrayed no hint of emotion.

"Checking that you're okay."

Jack wanted to be angry. He resented being checked up on as if he was a small child unable to take care of himself. But he was too tired – tired of sleepless nights, tired of being afraid, tired of trying to hide – to argue.

"Well, I'm fine," he announced. "I appreciate your concern, Doctor. I really do. But I really am okay, so you can leave me alone and go back to bed, or whatever it is you do while Rose and I are asleep."

"I have an idea." Now the Doctor's voice sounded reluctant, as if he had though long and hard about what he was about to say, and still wasn't sure that it was the right course of action, even now. He appeared not to have heard Jack's previous statement.

"Well, what is it?" asked Jack impatiently, when no further details were forthcoming.

"We break into the Time Agency."

There was a stunned silence. Jack couldn't think of a single thing to say that wouldn't sound completely inane and stupid. Did the Doctor realise what he had just suggested? No one had ever broken into the Time Agency. The security there was so tight that not even a Tula nanogene could get in without the Agency knowing about it.

"I know what you're thinking," continued the Doctor. "That it can't be done. I'm not saying that it won't require some thought, and a great deal of ingenuity and cleverness." And even under the uncertainty, Jack thought he could still detect a hint of smugness in the Doctor's voice that proclaimed that the Time Lord thought – no, _knew_ – he possessed that cleverness. "But it's the only plan I can come up with. I said I wanted to help you, Jack, and I meant that. More than you know. So we'll go to the Time Agency shortly after you've left it for good, and examine their records to find out what happened, or maybe even use some of their technology to reverse your memory wipe. We know you won't be there, so there's no danger of you running into yourself, and by that point whatever happened to you will have already occurred, so there won't be any opportunities for misguided attempts to change your timeline. It's not an ideal situation, but it's the most I can do for you."

Jack could feel himself gaping. Never in his wildest dreams would he have the audacity to even consider such a plan, never mind carry it out. And yet, as always, he found himself trusting the Doctor and believing they could pull this off.

Apparently, the Doctor had also made his decision. The shadow in the corner moved suddenly as the Time Lord jumped up. "Well, I'll leave you to your beauty sleep," he said. "There's lots to think about and lots to do if we're going to attempt this. So I'll go and get on with 'whatever it is I do while you and Rose are asleep', and you can have forty more winks. And Jack," he added, suddenly serious again, "don't dream."

* * *

As he wandered into the control room, Jack yawned and stretched, and wondered if he'd only dreamt the previous night's episode. One thing was for sure, if he had dreamt it all it was the only other dream he'd had for the rest of the night. His mind had apparently taken the Doctor's instruction of 'don't dream' pretty seriously. Jack couldn't remember the last time he'd had such a good night's – or half a night, at least – sleep. 

"Morning, sleepyhead!" Rose was lounging on the bench next to the central console, clutching a mug of coffee and smiling at him in that slightly sympathetic way that made Jack suspect that the Doctor had already told her everything that was going on. Then he decided he was being way too suspicious, and that Rose's sympathy was probably directed more at his horrendous 'first thing in the morning' appearance rather than his state of mind.

"What time is it?" he asked, still yawning and looking longingly at Rose's caffeine-laden beverage.

"It's eleven-fifteen," said the Doctor, popping up suddenly from behind the console and making Jack jump. "Very nearly that time when the phrase 'morning, sleepyhead' could be considered to be incorrect. Still, why interrupt a decent night's sleep if you don't have to, that's what I always say!"

Rose snorted, nearly spilling her coffee. Actually, the Doctor was famous for moaning at both her and Jack if they appeared any later than nine o'clock in the morning. Which meant that they both experienced a lot of moaning most days of the week.

Ignoring Rose, who was rapidly dissolving into a fit of giggles at Time Lord's blatant untruth, the Doctor turned to Jack. " So, how are you this morning, Jack?" he asked airily.

"I'm fine, thanks," replied Jack, suddenly wondering again exactly how much Rose knew of what was going on.

Rose, however, soon enlightened him. "Glad to hear it," she said briskly. "I wouldn't want you in anything but tip-top shape for our little escapade." She sounded so uncannily like the Doctor that Jack couldn't help but laugh, and from Rose's answering giggle and the Doctor's frown, he deduced that an impression of the Time Lord was exactly what she had been aiming for.

"When you two have _quite_ finished," interrupted the Doctor loftily, "we have some serious planning to do, if you don't mind."

"So, what exactly is the plan, Doctor?" enquired Jack. He had been wondering about this ever since he'd woken up.

"Ah, well, the details are a little sketchy at this point," replied the Doctor evasively. "I can get us into the Time Agency…"

"How?" interrupted Rose. "I mean, from what Jack's said, that place is locked up pretty tight."

Looking partially annoyed at having been interrupted, and partially pleased to have a chance to demonstrate his amazing cleverness, the Doctor explained. ""We get in using the TARDIS," he said. "It will materialise inside the Time Agency, but I can engineer it so that it won't fully 'be there', as it were. It'll be hovering right on the cusp of that time period, but it won't absolutely be a part of it. We'll be able to leave and enter the TARDIS, but the Time Agency won't be able to detect it. The only problem is that, once we step outside, _we_ will be fully detectable by the Agency's devices."

"Don't worry about that," said Jack. "I know everything there is to know about Agency internal security, plus some extra things besides. I'll be able to get us where we need to go."

"And where is that, exactly?" Rose was having trouble following all the 'time-travel technology' stuff, so she stuck to the parts of the plan she could understand.

"The archive," replied Jack quickly. "It's where they keep all the records of Agency missions. Even the really top-secret ones will be recorded there. Although we might have a bit of trouble accessing those files."

"Not a problem," said the Doctor, waving his sonic screwdriver.

"Well, it sounds like you two have got it all figured out," said Rose. "Although I must say, reading a few files doesn't sound very exciting."

Jack and the Doctor looked at each other across the console. Neither of them had thought it was a good idea to tell Rose about the other possible aspect of their plan – finding Agency technology capable of actually restoring Jack's memory. Both of them were aware of how dangerous such a course of action could be. One wrong move, and Jack's entire memory could be permanently wiped.

Rose hadn't noticed the shared look between the two men. She was too preoccupied with a coffee stain she had suddenly noticed on her top – a product of her earlier giggling fit. "Damn," she muttered. "Now I'll have to go and change – I can't have any sexy Time Agents seeing me in dirty clothes."

"Er, Rose, hopefully we won't be seeing any Time Agents, full-stop," pointed out Jack.

"Whatever," replied Rose, already halfway out the door. "I still need to look my best. And don't worry, Jack – I'll bring you back a cup of coffee."

Jack debated following after her. He strongly doubted that she would remember to bring him back any sort of coffee, let alone the fresh-brewed Colombian Roast with two sugars that he preferred. However, his pleasant sense of early morning lethargy, left over from his good night's sleep, meant that he couldn't quite summon up the energy to walk all the way to the kitchen and mess around with coffee-makers and cups.

So instead he settled himself on the bench Rose had just vacated, and watched the Doctor as he bustled around the console, making sure that everything was in top-notch condition in preparation for their little adventure. Watching the Doctor at work had always made him relax, strangely. Maybe it was the sense of confidence he gained from watching a man who so obviously knew what he was doing. Or maybe it was just that watching someone else work meant he wasn't doing any work himself. Either way, Captain found it a very easy way to unwind.

It also allowed him to think and mull things over, this calm moment in the midst of his usually frenetic lifestyle. Almost without realising it, he let his thoughts drift back again to his and the Doctor's conversation the previous night. There was one part of it, one moment, that he hadn't allowed himself to think about too deeply yet. One thing that the Doctor had said, one thing that could mean nothing, but which Jack was certain did mean something.

"_I said I wanted to help you, Jack, and I meant that. More than you know._"

'More than you know.' What did _that_ mean? Was it the Doctor's everlasting sense of guilt surfacing again? The sense of guilt he carried around because he was the last of his people, the one and only remaining Time Lord? Was the Doctor desperate to help someone – anyone – just so he could try and ease that burden?

Or did the Doctor really want to help him, Jack? Was he so desperate to help because he needed Jack to be safe and well? Because he needed Jack in his life? Needed him in a way that was more than it appeared on the surface?

Jack didn't know what to make of these ideas. Sure, he'd thought about seducing the Doctor. But only in his fantasies, since the Time Lord had made it abundantly clear that he was not available to be seduced in real life. But Jack had never thought seriously about a proper relationship with the Doctor, partly because of that very obvious unavailability, and partly because the idea made his head spin, even if it was in a way that was not entirely unpleasant.

But now he wondered. Had the Doctor made himself unavailable because seduction was not enough for him? Was it all or nothing for him? Was it…

"Earth to Jack. Calling Jack!"

Jack started out of his reverie to find the object of his thoughts standing in front of him, looking faintly concerned.

"What?" he said snappily, annoyed at having been caught out.

Instantly, the concerned look on the Doctor's face disappeared, to be replaced by one of amused exasperation. "If you're not too devastated by the non-appearance of your coffee, do you think you could come and help me for a minute?"

Sighing inwardly, Jack rose to help the Doctor. For a second he'd been afraid that the Time Lord had read his mind and was about to confront him about his stupid theories, a reaction that had resulted in him replying rather more tersely than he'd intended. But of course that was ridiculous. The Doctor had some interesting abilities, but he wasn't psychic.

But, hurrying over to the console, Jack failed to notice the thoughtful, and slightly apprehensive, look the Doctor was sending after him.

* * *

Rose and the Doctor stood in the open doorway of the TARDIS and watched as, two metres away across a courtyard, Jack stood completely still in the shadows beneath, and a little to the right of, a security camera. According to the former Time Agent, this was the only spot in the entire Time Agency that wasn't covered by any camera – a secret he had discovered back in his days at the Agency, and one that he was counting on being still undiscovered by the rest of the Time Agents. When Jack had told them about his little secret, the Doctor had rolled his eyes and wondered loudly what other discoveries Jack had been wasting his time on instead of keeping his mind on the job. But Rose could tell that the Time Lord was secretly impressed – both of them had been wondering more than a little how they were going to walk through the Time Agency unseen once they left the safety of the TARDIS. 

Now, they held their breath as Jack slowly stepped away from the wall, and stood in the direct line of sight of the camera he had been hiding beneath. Sixty seconds earlier, he had placed a small device on to the underside of the camera – a device that was designed to record what the camera saw for one minute, and then play it back on a continuous loop. That way, anyone watching the feedback screen in the security office would see what the camera was apparently seeing – an empty courtyard.

When Rose had questioned how he had managed to leave the Time Agency with such a device on his person without getting caught, Jack had explained that, as he had never formally resigned from the Agency, when he left it for the final time everyone assumed that he was simply going on his next mission, and therefore they hadn't confiscated any of the equipment he was carrying. Of course, when he then hadn't returned, he had been officially deemed a liability and a criminal. If the Time Agency ever got their hands on him again, it was pretty much certain that he would be looking at the inside of a jail cell for the rest of his life.

Tension reigned for a few more seconds, and then Jack turned towards the pair standing inside the TARDIS and grinned, giving them the thumbs up signal. Secretly relieved, the Doctor stepped out in front of the camera, followed cautiously by Rose.

"Now what do we do?" Rose was pleased that Jack's plan had worked, as far as it went, but she couldn't help but feel that they hadn't made much progress. They might as well have been still inside the TARDIS, which would definitely have felt safer.

"Now I follow the trajectory of this camera's line of sight until I'm standing under the next camera, and repeat the process all over again," explained Jack in a whisper.

"But that'll take forever! We're not going to get very far very fast if we have to disable every camera we come across! And besides, why can't the Doctor just use his sonic screwdriver to disable the cameras?"

"Well, for a start, shorting out the cameras with the sonic screwdriver will immediately alert anyone watching the feedback. Screens going dark suddenly tend to indicate that something fishy is going on. And secondly, we only have take out enough cameras to get us to the security office. Once there I can disable the guards and reset the whole security system. Then we can go anywhere we please. So, just relax. Everything is going according to plan."

"And might I ask how many cameras there are between us and the security office?"

"Eight. Which is lucky, because I only have ten of my little devices, and I think one of them might be broken anyway. That leaves me with a margin of one for error."

The Doctor sighed and rolled his eyes again. "Just make sure you don't make any errors, then," he said, a little sharply.

A frown flickered across Jack's face and then vanished. The Doctor's tetchiness was probably down to nerves, he told himself. Jack himself was extremely tense, and he strongly suspected that the Time Lord was too, despite the calm and self-assured aura he was currently projecting.

Trying not to think any more about the Doctor, Jack moved slowly across the courtyard towards the next camera.

* * *

"Okay, you can come in now." 

Relieved, Rose entered the security office. She had felt very vulnerable standing all alone in the corridor, but Jack and the Doctor had absolutely refused to let her into the office until they had dealt with anyone who might be in there. Rose thought that was a bit rich considering that she had seen her fair share of violence and danger while travelling with the Doctor. She had, after all, nearly been fried by the sun, attacked by the undead, chased by Slitheen, crossed paths with a Dalek, and been stalked by a child with a gas mask for a face. Taking out a couple of security officers didn't seem like it would be so bad after all that. But Jack and the Doctor had been firm, and as soon as she entered the office Rose could see why.

She was shocked. She had been picturing a couple of knocked out guards, possibly bound and gagged, sitting in a corner. Instead, she was confronted by a scene of carnage. At least fifteen agents were scattered around the room in varying states of consciousness, and all of them looked like they'd had an extremely rough time of it. One or two of them even looked like they might be…dead. Rose swallowed. She knew Jack was pretty much a 'punch first, ask questions later' kind of guy, but she had never suspected that the Doctor was capable of such aggression. He was the kind of person who much preferred to talk his way out of a situation rather than use his fists.

The Doctor spotted Rose's horrified look straight away, and hastened to reassure her. "It's not as bad as it looks," he said. "Most of the damage was done by Jack's dispersal laser. Doesn't do any permanent damage, but puts you out of action for quite some time. Most of this lot only look the way they do because they happened to hit a table or the wall on their way down to the floor. They'll be fine."

Somewhat reassured, Rose looked around for Jack. Spotting the former Time Agent over at a console by the far wall, she walked over to him, trying not to tread on any of the unconscious guards in the process. The Doctor followed her, but as they reached the Captain, he abruptly straightened up from the console with a pleased exclamation.

"Got it! I've patched the last of my little devices directly into the security system. It's now recording what all the cameras in the Agency are seeing in preparation for continuous playback. In about thirty seconds we'll be able to go anywhere we want without running the risk of anyone seeing us. Unless we come face-to-face with them, of course."

"Then we'll just have to keep our eyes peeled for anyone else lurking in the corridors, won't we?" said the Doctor cheerfully. Turning to Jack, he continued: "I'm assuming that since you knew where the security office was, you also know where we need to go next?"

Jack nodded. "The Central Archives," he replied. "That's where the records of all missions are kept. Although I doubt that classified material such as what we're after is available for just anyone to look at. I hope your sonic screwdriver is up to the job, Doctor."

* * *

"There's nothing here!" Jack punched the terminal he was standing at in frustration. "Damn!" 

"What do you mean, there's nothing there?" asked Rose. "I thought you said that records of all missions were kept here?"

"They are," replied Jack. "Except, apparently, the ones we want," he added bitterly. "There are plenty of missions here that occurred during the correct time period, but none of them started at exactly the right time, or went on for long enough, to be the one that I went on. Damn!" he repeated, punching the terminal again, harder this time. Tears stung his eyes, but they had nothing to do with his now throbbing fist. He had believed that this was it – that he would finally find out what it was he had lost. But instead, he had found nothing. He was back to square one.

The Doctor stepped up behind the Captain. "I'm sorry, Jack," he said softly, placing his hand on the other man's shoulder. He hated to see Jack like this, so close to despair. He was normally such a cheerful, confident, outgoing character. This despondent and dejected Jack was almost unbearable to witness.

"Well, I guess that's it then," said Rose quietly. "Maybe we should go back to the TARDIS before we get caught."

"No." Jack's voice was so quiet that the Doctor almost missed it.

"Jack, we can't stay here," said the Time Lord. "It would serve no purpose. And Rose is right, we're risking being caught every moment we delay."

"No," said Jack again, a little louder this time. "I mean, that's not it. There is something else I can try."

"What?" asked Rose hesitantly. She was beginning to worry that Jack was not quite 'all there' – that he was losing all sense of perspective on the situation. She didn't blame him, but she also didn't particularly want to be caught and court-marshalled by the Time Agency.

Jack turned to the Doctor. "You said it yourself, Doctor. Back when you first suggested all this. We can use some of the Agency's technology to reverse my memory wipe."

The Doctor went very still, and Jack could feel the hand on his shoulder tighten its grip suddenly. Seconds passed, and there was silence. Then…

"Are you sure?" The Doctor's voice was quiet and level, but Jack could detect a world of things left unsaid underneath that question, and suddenly he was absurdly grateful to the Doctor for not trying to reason with him or talk him out of it. They both knew the risks, but they also both knew that this was something that Jack had to do.

"Yes."

The Doctor nodded once. The decision made, he was suddenly all business again. "Then where do we need to go?" he asked.

"Corridor 515," replied Jack instantly. "Only agents with the highest level of security clearance can get in there. It has to be there. All the other agents used to joke about what went on down that corridor, what sort of top secret work was going on in there. It doesn't seem so funny now," he finished soberly.

The Doctor squeezed his shoulder again, a silent gesture of comfort that reminded Jack, just for a moment, that there were other issues that needed to resolved after he had regained his memories. At the moment, however, he was just glad that the Doctor was here, helping him. Jack couldn't think of anyone else he would rather have by his side.

* * *

For the second time in two hours, Rose was brought to a standstill by shock as she entered a room. Only this time it was technology that had astounded her, and not unconscious people. The rooms leading off Corridor 515 were full of the most advanced and sophisticated machines she had ever seen. And that was saying something, considering that she travelled through time and space with the Doctor. The TARDIS might be advanced, but it certainly wasn't particularly sophisticated. 

"This is it," announced the Doctor, following Rose into the room. They had tried four of Corridor 515's doors already, each time with no success. But now they had finally found what they were looking for.

Hanging back in the doorway, Jack surveyed the room. He had no doubt that the Doctor was right – although he himself wouldn't have been able to distinguish a memory manipulating device from a coffee machine – but now that it came right down to it, he couldn't seem to make himself step forward over the threshold.

"Jack?" The Doctor's voice was sympathetic, as if he knew exactly what was going through Jack's mind. Which he probably did, Jack reminded himself. He still wasn't entirely convinced that the Time Lord wasn't at least a little bit psychic.

"I'm fine. Everything's fine," replied Jack, but even to his ears he sounded like a man trying too hard to reassure himself. Taking a deep breath, he stepped through the door and into the room.

"So, which one is it?" he asked, gesturing at the machines scattered around the room.

"That one," said the Doctor, pointing at the contraption set squarely into the middle of the floor.

Jack eyed the machine warily. It didn't look so bad – kind of like one of those dentist's chairs Rose had described to him with a solar panel hovering over the head end. Taking another deep breath, he moved across the room and stood beside it.

"Well, if we're going to do this, then I guess we should get started," he said, with an attempt at bravado that fooled no one. "Let's get this show on the road." Climbing into the chair, Jack lay back and tried to breath steadily. But it was hard. There was no way he could be calm, under the circumstances, and he could feel his heart beating so hard it sounded like someone was playing the drums inside his chest cavity.

"Rose, go over to that terminal and watch the readouts for me. If any of them rise above seventy-five, tell me straight away." The Doctor's voice now sounded authoritative and in-control, and Jack felt a little happier, knowing he was in safe hands. Still, he couldn't stop his knuckles from turning white as he gripped the arms of the chair so tight they threatened to buckle under the pressure. The Doctor noticed and left the console he was checking, bending over Jack and speaking softly so Rose couldn't overhear.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Just say the word, and this all stops. We can go back to the TARDIS and just fly away."

"No. I have to do this, Doctor. I have to know. I'm just…scared, that's all. What if we don't find anything? What if my memories are gone forever?"

"Jack, that's not going I happen. I promise."

"And then, what if we do find something? And what if it's something I don't like? How will I live with it?"

"Jack, stop. Everything will be okay, I promise you. I won't let anything happen to you. Do you trust me?"

"Of course, Doctor. I trust you with my life."

"Well, I doubt this situation is going to go quite that far. Now, close your eyes and try to breathe slowly. Everything's going to be fine."

* * *

It was weird, Jack reflected afterwards, to suddenly realise that you were remembering memories you didn't even remember having. Little bits here and there, suddenly reappearing where before there had been only blankness. Like having lunch with a beautiful woman in a bustling piazza, on a planet called Corzad Prime. Like flying Remoan jet at twice the speed of sound across a dazzling azure sky. Like creeping down an alleyway in the dead of night, waiting for a contact that never showed up. Just small pieces, ones that didn't make much sense at first. But as more of them came back, and the pieces started to add up, deep within his mind Jack started to realise that he had been right to be scared.

* * *

Rose watched the readouts on her terminal carefully, determined not to miss even a tiny fluctuation in Jack's brainwaves. But at the same time she couldn't help but wonder what was going on inside the Captain's head. What did it feel like to suddenly have part of your memory returned to you? Was it strange? Was it painful? Was it exciting? But she wasn't going to find out the answers to any of those questions right at this moment. Jack was unconscious, having been rendered so by the process he was undergoing, and the Doctor was concentrating far too hard on the procedure to have time for questions. And besides, Rose would never have put Jack's life at risk by ignoring her job. She was not going to be the one to screw this up.

And then it happened. Her terminal lit up like a christmas tree, the readings spiking off the scale, and Rose knew that something very, very bad was happening. She turned to tell the Doctor, but straight away she could see that he was aware of the situation. His hands were flying across his own terminal, trying to solve the problem, trying to correct the process, but his face was as immobile and serious as Rose had ever seen it, and in that instant she knew that the Doctor would save Jack even if it was the last thing he ever did.

"No! Don't! Don't make me! I can't!" The shouted words came from the figure lying in the memory manipulator, and Rose turned towards it, half expecting to see Jack awake and trying to escape from the chair, having had enough of the pain and stress. But the Captain's eyes were still closed, and Rose could see that his fists were clenched so tight that his fingernails were drawing blood from his palms.

And then, abruptly, everything stopped. The readings on the terminals went back to normal, Jack suddenly relaxed, and the Doctor stopped his frenzied recalculations.

"What happened?" Rose whispered, unsure if it was safe to talk.

"It's over," said the Doctor. "The procedure is finished."

"But what _happened_? Is Jack alright?"

"I don't know," the Doctor admitted. "Obviously something terrible happened when he regained his memories. But I don't know if that was due to the process, or the memories themselves. One thing I do know is that he's unconscious. We'll have to carry him out of here."

* * *

They had made it back as far as the security office when the next disaster struck. Rose was in front, keeping a look out for anyone approaching, while the Doctor followed behind with Jack slung over his shoulder. The Captain was still out cold, and only Rose would have been able to distinguish the burden he was placing on the Time Lord. But Rose could also tell that the Doctor was determined to get Jack out of there even if he had to die trying. She could see that the he would never give up on the other man, no matter what. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that this state of affairs needed some looking into. There was something going on with the Doctor and Jack – she was certain. 

But that would have to wait until later. Right now, they had yet another obstacle to deal with.

"Stop right there. Turn around very slowly and put your hands on your head. No sudden movements." The voice was stern and commanding, and Rose knew that they had been caught.

"Rose," the Doctor muttered, as they slowly turned around, "listen to me carefully. The next time – the very next time – I say your name, I want you to run for the TARDIS as fast as you can. Don't stop, and don't look back. I'll look after Jack. Do you understand?"

Rose nodded once, and then she was facing the Time Agency guard, who was pointing a gun at them and looking at once pleased to have caught some intruders, and at the same time nervous about what to do next.

"I said, put your hands on your head," he barked, gesturing at the Doctor, who was still carrying the unconscious Jack over his shoulder.

"And how exactly am I supposed to do that?" enquired the Time Lord. "It's hard enough holding on to a fully grown man without then having to put my hands on my head."

"Then put him down…slowly!" said the guard, his nervousness becoming even more apparent.

"I'm the Doctor, by the way," said the Doctor, appearing not to notice the guard's latest instruction. "And this is a friend of mine. She's called Rose."

For a split second the use of her name didn't register in Rose's mind. Then the alarm bells started ringing all at once, and she span around and took off down the corridor towards the courtyard where the TARDIS was standing. Behind her she heard a blast of sonic weapons fire, and then the sound of running footsteps. Then she was out in the courtyard and the TARDIS was there in front of her, looking slightly fuzzy because of its 'not quite there' state. She hurried up to the door and unlocked it, turning on the threshold to see where the Doctor was just as the Time Lord emerged into the open air. He was still running, but there didn't appear to be anyone in pursuit. Rose stood back to allow him entry to the TARDIS, and then shut the door behind him, leaning against it for support.

The Doctor laid Jack down gently on the bench beside the central console and then set about extracting them from the same time and space as the Time Agency. Once they were well on their way, he stepped back from the console and leant on the edge of the bench, breathing heavily.

"Are you alright?" asked Rose, concerned. She had never seen the Doctor look quite so worn out before.

"I'm fine," panted the Doctor, waving her away. "Just a little out of breath, that's all."

"But how did you get away from the guard? He had a gun pointed right at you!"

"I used Jack's sonic blaster," explained the Doctor. "Whipped it right out of his pocket. Easy. The guard never knew what hit him."

But the Doctor didn't sound like his usual smug self, and Rose's worry only increased.

"Are you sure you're alright? He didn't manage to get a shot at you, did he?"

"I told you, I'm fine," replied the Doctor with a trace of irritation. "It's Jack we should be worried about now, anyway. Can you help me get him to his room, please?" Bending down, the Doctor slung one of Jack's arms over his shoulders, and Rose hurried forward to do the same on the other side. She still wasn't completely convinced that the Doctor was okay, but he _was_ right – Jack was the more immediate concern right now.

* * *

Rose straightened up, rolling her shoulders. It wasn't that far from the control room to Jack's room, but the Captain was a dead weight, and she wasn't as strong as the Doctor, even a Doctor who was still tired from their mad dash to escape the Time Agency. 

"Do you think he'll be alright?" she asked, looking worriedly at Jack, who was still showing no signs of waking up.

"I hope so," replied the Doctor, but his voice sounded so despondent that Rose turned to look at him, surprised that he was so upset. But all she saw was the Doctor's retreating back as he left the room.

"Hey, wait! Doctor!" Checking Jack again to make sure he was comfortable, Rose hurried after the Time Lord.

She caught up to him halfway back to the control room. "Aren't you going to help Jack? Make sure he's alright? Try and wake him up?"

"Jack doesn't need my help anymore."

"Doctor!" Rose was shocked. "How can you say that about Jack? Do you really think that now he's got his memories back he's just going to drop us? He wouldn't. He wouldn't use us…use you… like that."

The Doctor sighed, and once again Rose was taken aback by the depth of the emotion in that one small sound. "You don't understand," he said wearily. "I doubt Jack will want to see me ever again. I promised him everything was going to be alright, Rose. I told him everything would be fine. And look what's happened. He's not alright, and everything is not fine."

"But you couldn't know what was going to happen, Doctor. You don't know everything."

"But I should have tried harder. I should have known something bad would happen. The Time Agency would never have taken his memories if they weren't trying to hide something awful. And now he remembers that, whatever it is. And he has me to thank for that. He believed in me, and I let him down. He trusted me, and I've betrayed him."

Rose gaped at him. She couldn't think of a single thing to say. She had never seen the Doctor so full of despair and self-loathing, not ever. Why was he taking this to heart so much? Why was he blaming himself? Something was definitely going on here.

The Doctor, for his part, took her silence to mean that she had finished questioning him, at least for the moment. "Go and look after Jack, Rose," he said softly. "He needs a friend with him at the moment." Then he continued on his way to the control room, not looking back even once.


	2. Part Two

Disclaimer: The Doctor and all his companions are the property of the BBC and Russell T. Davies. They are not mine, nor will they ever be.

A/N: set between 'Boom Town' and 'Bad Wolf'

The Doors of the Mind

Part Two 

"No! Don't! Don't make me! I can't!" And with those words Captain Jack Harkness woke up.

It was a week later, and Jack was tired. Very tired. Sleep was not something that came easy to him now. Sleep was where the dreams lurked.

When, a few hours after their flight from the Time Agency, he had finally awoken from his unconscious state, he had vowed there and then that he would never sleep again. And for the next three nights he had kept that vow, remaining awake and alert, determined not to slip into the dreams that he knew were waiting for him if he closed his eyes.

It was ironic, all things considered. He had gone to the Time Agency in order to try and rid himself of the dreams that were plaguing his sleeping hours. And now he would almost have welcomed those dreams back. The shadows of encroaching darkness were nothing compared to what he would see now if he dropped off.

But eventually, of course, he couldn't ward off sleep any longer. By the fourth night his body was crying out for rest, and he couldn't ignore that summons. So, despite all his efforts to the contrary, he slept. And he dreamed. And he woke, screaming, every single time. Trying to escape from the nightmares in his dreams. Nightmares of his own creation.

Except that he couldn't escape from them. Because they were memories. Memories that he could now remember. Ones that he had to live with, asleep or awake.

Rose spent a lot of time with him, trying to distract him from his thoughts. He hadn't told her what was in his regained memories, but he could tell that she knew it was bad. And how could she not know? He woke up screaming with horror several times a night, for god's sake. And yet she stuck by him, trying to comfort him, trying to help him. And he was more grateful to her than he could express.

He hadn't told the Doctor what was in his dreams either. But that was probably because he hadn't seen the Doctor at all since their escapade at the Agency. Jack had remained in his room the entire time, and the Doctor hadn't come to see him. But, strangely enough, he didn't blame the Time Lord. If Rose could tell that his regained memories were unpleasant, then the Doctor was more than capable of realising the same. And even if he didn't know the exact details, Jack could understand the Doctor from keeping away from him. After all, why should he want to be near Jack now that he knew Jack had done something terrible? The Captain was just surprised that he hadn't been booted out of the TARDIS on the next planet they passed by.

And yet… When he wasn't dwelling on his memories, Jack could tell that there was something out of place. It had something to do with the way Rose spoke about the Doctor when she said that she had tried yet again to persuade him to come and see Jack, and had yet again failed. The way she said it made it sound like the Doctor thought that he _shouldn't_ come, rather than he _wouldn't_.

But whatever the reason, part of Jack was glad that the Doctor didn't come. Because, as much as a part of him wanted to see the Time Lord, a bigger part of him didn't. He was ashamed. Ashamed of what he had done. And he didn't think he could take seeing either accusation or pity in the Doctor's eyes. Either of those reactions would undo him completely. And at the moment it was taking every ounce of his willpower just to hold on to his sanity.

However, as he lay there, breathing heavily and with his mind still reeling from the latest round of nightmares, Jack abruptly felt trapped. He had been inside this same room for a week now, and he suddenly couldn't bear the sight of the same four walls any longer. He had to escape, see something different, smell something different, breathe different air. To him, this room now represented a prison cell, and he had to get out.

* * *

After he had been wandering the corridors of the TARDIS for about half-an-hour, Jack started to feel a little better. His attack of claustrophobia had left him feeling panicked and disorientated, and he had been ready to run – to leave everything he knew behind and never return. But now he felt calmer, at home again, soothed by the familiar presence of the TARDIS wrapping itself around him. 

The time ship seemed to have an infinite number of corridors and rooms. A person could wander for hours, and yet always find their way back to where they wanted to be. You couldn't get lost here. You would always be found, even if the person who found you was yourself.

In this case, Jack had been found by neither Rose nor the Doctor, a fact for which he was eternally grateful. He still couldn't face the Doctor, and he didn't particularly feel up to dealing with Rose's attentions either, as well meaning as they were. He felt like he needed to be alone, despite the fact that this left him with only his memories for company.

But he was beginning to feel a little cold and uncomfortable, having bolted from his room wearing only jogging trousers and a t-shirt. What he needed was somewhere warm and comforting where he could curl up and be alone. Crossing the corridor, he opened the next door he came to, confident that the TARDIS would give him whatever it was he required.

Except that his ideas of what he required didn't quite gel with the TARDIS's, apparently. Okay, so he got warm in the shape of a roaring log fire. And he got comforting in the form of an old-English style library filled with books and squashy armchairs. What he didn't get was alone. Sitting in one of the armchairs in front of the fire was the Doctor.

"Oh, sorry," muttered Jack, backing hastily towards the door. "I didn't mean to bother you."

"Jack, wait." The Doctor's voice was heavy with some emotion that Jack couldn't quite identify, but there was also a small note of pleading located there too. And it was that which really stopped Jack from leaving. Apparently the Doctor did want to talk to him, after all.

"Well?" he asked a few seconds later, when nothing further was forthcoming from the Time Lord.

The Doctor sighed. "Jack, I'm sorry," he said quietly.

Jack gave a short, bitter rasp of laughter. "Sorry?" he said. "What have you got to be sorry about? As it turns out, you're not the only one with terrible things in your past. You've got nothing to apologise to me for."

"But I do," replied the Doctor. "I don't know what's in your memories, Jack, but I do know that I promised you everything would be fine. And it's not."

For a few seconds Jack was speechless. The Doctor really thought that all this was his fault? Yeah, right. "Well, that's the biggest load of bull I've heard in my entire life, and I've been a Time Agent _and_ a conman," he said finally. "I'm a big boy, Doctor. I knew what I was doing, and I knew what the consequences could be. You could never have changed that."

"But you put your trust in me and I let you down."

"Of course I trusted you. And I still do. You and Rose are the first people I've trusted in a long time, and the outcome of a process that you had no control over isn't going to change that."

Part of Jack still couldn't believe that the Doctor was blaming himself, but the other part of him was just happy that the Doctor wasn't looking at him with disgust and loathing. And Jack knew he should have left it at that, but he couldn't stop the little niggle of doubt from expressing itself.

"You know, it's funny, but the whole time you were convinced I wouldn't want to see you, I was convinced that _you_ wouldn't want to see me." Jack held up his hand to forestall the protest that he could see forming on the Doctor's lips. "You may not know the details of my memories, Doctor, but I think it's pretty clear to everyone that they're not particularly nice. And that something not particularly nice happened during those two years." Jack's face twisted as once again the images of that time floated to the front of his mind. He wondered if he would ever be able to stop thinking about them.

"You're not a bad person, Jack," said the Doctor, rising from his chair and walking over to where the Jack was still hovering halfway between the door and the fire. "I refuse to believe that you could have done something so terrible."

Jack's face twisted again into something between a grimace and a smile. "Try telling that to the residents of Oracle Seti Alpha," he said bitterly. "I'm sure they could tell you some things you don't want to know. If they were still alive, that is. I…"

"Jack, stop," interrupted the Doctor, placing his finger on Jack's lips. "I don't need to know this. Whatever you may have done in the past, you're still a good person now, here in the present. Or, at least, what passes for the present on the TARDIS," he joked. Then, abruptly, he sobered again. "I know you, Jack. Maybe not for very long, but long enough to know that you're not bad, or wicked, or evil, or anything else that you may have convinced yourself of. I know it, Rose knows it, and I think you know it too."

Jack opened his mouth to contradict the Doctor – he still knew that the Time Lord didn't have the full picture – but once again he found himself cut off. Only this time it was because the Doctor was kissing him.

For a full five seconds Jack could do nothing but stand there, amazed at what was happening. Ever since that night in his room when they had hatched the plan to break into the Time Agency, he had suspected that there was something else going on beneath the surface of this entire saga – something that the Doctor was keeping hidden. But he had never called him on it – firstly because there hadn't been time, and then because he had been keeping his distance.

But now the Doctor was kissing him, and suddenly words didn't seem quite so important. Suddenly it was obvious what the Doctor had been hiding.

And suddenly Jack was jolted into action, and he was kissing the Doctor back with as much passion as he could muster. He had a sudden, desperate need to be as close to this strange alien man as was humanly possible. All the fear, all the isolation, all the self-loathing of the past week came rushing out of him, and he clung to the Doctor as though the Time Lord were a lifeline to safety.

The kiss went on for some time, until the Doctor pulled back, looking into Jack's face, startled and yet at the same time somehow unsurprised to see tears in his eyes. "Better?" he asked, smiling.

Jack smiled in return. "A little," he admitted, surprised to realise that it was true. Then his face turned serious. "What does this mean, Doctor?"

"It means whatever you want it to mean," replied the Doctor.

"I think…I want it to mean more."

"I don't want to push you into anything, Jack. I think we've pretty much established what my feelings on the subject are, but you can take all the time you need to make your decision."

"I don't need any more time," said Jack. "As I said before, I'm a big boy, and I know what I want…you."

* * *

The Doctor stirred and smiled. He didn't sleep often, but when he did he always remembered how restful and peaceful it could be, and he also understood why humans were so fond of long lie-ins at the weekend. 

Without opening his eyes he reached over to where Jack was lying beside him. Jack's decision had green-lighted some activities that were a little more strenuous than kissing, and the two men had ultimately ended up in the comfortable, if slightly clichéd, position of lying on a sheepskin rug in front of the library's fire, dozing peacefully in each other's arms.

However, Jack apparently wasn't dozing so peacefully any more. When the Doctor's hand didn't find what it sought he opened his eyes, more than a little worried at the Captain's sudden absence.

The fire had died down to just embers, making the room dark and shadowy. When he didn't immediately see Jack, the Doctor's concern increased, and he sat up to get a better look around the room.

"Don't worry, Doctor, I'm right here." Jack's voice came from the deep shadows a few feet from the fireplace, where a mezzanine floor overhung the rest of the room. Looking more closely, the Doctor could see that Jack was slumped in an armchair, staring into the dying flames.

"Are you alright?" Jumping up, the Doctor moved over to kneel in front of Jack.

"No, I'm not."

The Doctor almost recoiled. Jack sounded so bitter and angry that he suddenly wondered if he hadn't made things worse by forcing Jack into something that he wasn't ready for.

Then Jack sighed, and there was a world of misery in that one small sound; a despair that the Doctor could only compare to his own feelings after his people were lost in the Time War.

"I'm sorry, Doctor. I'm not angry with you. I'm angry with myself. Angry at being so gullible, so trusting of the Time Agency that I was led to do what I did. They called, and I jumped. And now millions of people are dead because of me."

"You shouldn't be so literal, Jack. Whatever happened is the Agency's fault, not yours."

"Literal? You don't think I should be literal? Doctor, I pressed the button that activated a weapon that killed over half-a-billion people. How much more literal can you get?"

And suddenly the Doctor was very still – so still that if Jack had had his eyes closed he wouldn't have known that the Time Lord was even there. There was no movement of the eyes, no sound of breathing, not even a pulse in the fingertips that were resting on Jack's knee.

"No." And in that single word Jack perceived all of the Doctor's belief in him and his incapability of committing such an act.

But the Doctor was living in a dream-world, and as much as Jack wanted to go and live there with him, unfortunately he couldn't escape his memories any more than he could escape being human.

"I appreciate the sentiment, Doctor," he said quietly. "But you can't deny what's in my head. You may not have seen my memories, but trust me when I say…"

"Then let me see them." The request was so out of left-field that for a moment Jack didn't register what the Doctor had said.

"What?"

"Let me see them. I don't believe that you're a murderer, Jack. And the only thing that will convince me that you are is to see it for myself."

"But how? I know you're not psychic. You might give that impression sometimes, but you can't read my mind. Or can you?" Jack eyed the Doctor, suddenly worried.

The Doctor smiled slightly. "No, Jack. I can't read your mind. But I can see things that you allow me to see."

Jack was still confused. "What?" he asked again.

"The TARDIS helps," the Doctor explained. "The ship kind of acts like a bridge between our minds. But, as I said, I can only see what you choose to show me. Such as the memories of what happened on Oracle Seti Alpha."

"So I think about the memories, and you see them too," Jack clarified.

"Exactly."

"Which means that I would have to voluntarily visualise what I did. Sounds like a barrel of laughs."

"It won't be easy," the Doctor admitted. "But it's the only way I'll know the truth. And I'm not going stop believing in you until I see it with my own eyes."

Jack sighed. "Okay," he said. "Although I'm not sure why I'm letting you do this. I mean, once you see that what I've said is true, you're hardly going to want me around any more. And, strangely enough, I don't really want to be separated from you right at the moment."

Smiling, the Doctor leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Jack's lips. "Jack, I'm not going to desert you," he said. "I've said it before and I'll say it again – no matter what you've done in the past, you're a good person now. A good person that I've got used to having around."

Jack smiled back, but he still wasn't entirely convinced. As much as he wanted to believe the Doctor's words, he wouldn't blame the Time Lord one iota if he kicked him out of the TARDIS two seconds after he had seen his memories.

"Okay, so how does this work?" he asked, trying to banish his melancholy thoughts. "Do I have to be connected to the TARDIS in some way?"

"Only mentally," replied the Doctor. "All we have to do is be touching in some way, and then you relax and open your mind to the TARDIS. The ship does the rest."

"Right, so how exactly should we be touching?" There was a faintly suggestive note in Jack's voice, one that the Doctor was happy to hear. Much as the Time Agent's constant flirting could be trying at times, Jack just wouldn't be Jack without it, and the Doctor had been starting to worry that all this stress was going to leave a permanent scar on the Captain's character, one that would alter him irrevocably. Still, now wasn't really the time for messing around, and the Doctor refused to be drawn into the banter.

"Holding hands will be fine," he said firmly, sitting down on the floor and gesturing for Jack to sit opposite him. "Now, close your eyes and try to feel the TARDIS."

"And what if I can't?" enquired Jack. "I've never really been one for sitting still, or meditating, or anything like that."

"Just try," said the Doctor, allowing a small trace of exasperation to colour his voice.

"Okay, okay," replied Jack. "I'll try." Sighing, he closed his eyes, trying to give the impression that he was following the Doctor's instructions. It didn't really help that the last thing he really wanted to be doing was voluntarily remembering what he had done. His confidence that this was going to work was waning by the second.

But almost immediately he felt the calming influence of the TARDIS surrounding him, a presence that was always there, lingering in the back of his mind, but never usually acknowledged. And somewhere he could also feel the Doctor, his eternal link to the TARDIS an extra dimension to the presence that helped Jack to relax.

_Jack? Are you alright?_

It was the Doctor's voice. But the words seemed to be forming directly inside Jack's head, instead of being heard in the normal way. It was a weird, but not entirely unpleasant, sensation, and Jack replied in kind.

_I'm fine. I can feel the TARDIS – and you – in my head._

_That's how it should be. Now, open your mind to the memories. I'll be able to see everything you see. But try to visualise them coherently, in the right order, so I don't get lost. And remember, if you want to stop, just stop. I don't want any harm to come to you._

_I know. I trust you, Doctor._ And then, taking a deep breath, Jack let the memories come…

* * *

Jack walked down the corridor towards Director Regis's office. Only thirty minutes earlier the Director himself had called Jack personally, informing him that he had an important mission for him and wanted to see him directly. Jack was a little worried by this personal communiqué on the part of the Director. Such a summons could only mean that something big was happening, something with potentially dire consequences. 

Pausing outside Regis's office for a few seconds, Jack took a few deep breaths and straightened his uniform. Then he knocked on the door.

A female voice instructed him to come in, and he stepped into the outer office. Director Regis's secretary looked up as he entered.

"Ah, Agent Harkness, go straight through. The Director is expecting you."

Taking another couple of breaths, Jack followed her gesture across the outer office and into the inner sanctum.

"Agent Harkness. Good to see you. Please, take a seat. Can I get you a drink?" Director Regis was being too friendly, and Jack knew immediately that he was about be asked to do something incredibly important, and possibly incredibly dangerous. He felt all his senses go on full alert at the prospect.

"No drink for me, thank you, sir. I'd prefer to get right down to business."

Regis's hand paused halfway to the drinks cabinet. He looked momentarily surprised at Jack's abruptness, but then sighed and moved back to his desk.

"Can't put anything past you, can I, Harkness?" he said. "Right, let's get straight to the point then."

"What's going on, sir?" asked Jack.

The Director tapped a few keys on his computer, and then swivelled the screen around so it was facing Jack. On it was displayed a planet that looked a little like Earth, with green continents and blue oceans.

"This is Oracle Seti Alpha," said Regis. "A planet in the Mardan System on the fourth arm of the galaxy. Doesn't look particularly threatening, does it?" he asked, on seeing Jack's doubtful look.

Jack shook his head. "No, sir."

"Well, appearances can be deceiving. We've recently discovered that the people of this planet are experimenting with time-travel technology. More than experimenting, in fact. They're actively changing their timeline in order to make themselves more powerful in that part of the galaxy. I'm sure I don't have to tell you how dangerous that can be, do I, Harkness?"

Dumbstruck, Jack could only shake his head again. Of course, timelines on all sorts of planets were often changed due to the Time Agency's actions, but only in the most minor ways, and only after very careful consideration and planning by the Agency. But such big changes, created by a people who to all intents and purposes had no idea what they were doing, could have major repercussions for the entire galaxy.

"Only a handful of races have ever properly mastered the art of time-travel and time manipulation," continued the Director. "And as such, it is up to those races to police the time-travelling attempts of other civilisations. The Time Agency was set up for just such a purpose. And yet in this case we cannot solve the problem on our own. We are not big enough to handle an entire planet. Therefore, I've arranged a contact for you on Corzad Prime. Her name is Ariane Rolan, and she's the top agent at their own Time Agency."

Jack found his voice. "But, sir, if I may, why am I being sent on this mission? You and I both know that I'm not exactly the model agent."

"You may not always stick to the rules, Agent Harkness, but you have ingenuity and instinct. And I think in this case those qualities are going to be more useful than the ability to follow protocols and orders. Now, you're meeting Agent Rolan in three days on her planet. Use that time to educate yourself about Oracle Seti Alpha and its inhabitants."

Jack stood up and saluted. His head was spinning, but nonetheless he was pleased by Director Regis's confidence in him.

"Oh, and Harkness? I don't need to tell you how important this mission is. We need to nip this in the bud right now. Do whatever it takes. And I mean, _whatever _it takes"

* * *

Three days later, and Jack was sitting at a table in a busy piazza in the city of Kelim on Corzad Prime. He was waiting for Agent Rolan to show up for their meeting, and she was perilously close to being late. Not that he minded. He was having a very pleasant time drinking coffee – or, at least, the closest Corzad equivalent to coffee – and watching the world go by. He didn't often get the chance to just sit and relax – not that he normally wanted to, in any case. He was very much the kind of guy who needed to be out and about doing things and having fun. But sometimes he just liked to watch the world move on without him for a few moments, although he was always on the lookout for the next piece of action and excitement, all the same. 

And then, right on time, today's piece of excitement sat down at his table, in the shape of Agent Ariane Rolan. Jack had of course seen the picture in her file, so he knew it was her without having to ask. What he hadn't been prepared for was how little justice her photo did her. She was slim yet curvy, with jet black hair falling halfway to her knees, dazzling amber eyes, and the faint purplish cast to her skin that was possessed by all the natives of Corzad Prime. She was altogether an exotic, but very appealing, package.

"Agent Harkness. Good to finally meet you. I've read your file and I must say, you present an intriguing character."

"Likewise," replied Jack. "I'm very much looking forward to working with you. And I think we can dispense with the formalities, don't you? Just plain Jack will do for me."

"And you can call me Ariane," acknowledged the other Time Agent. "It makes more sense anyway, considering the situations we're likely to find ourselves in."

"Such as?" enquired Jack.

"Such as going undercover as a married couple when we visit Oracle Seti Alpha," replied Ariane. "A married couple from Remoa."

"Ah," said Jack, seeing the light. "Remoa. Home to the rich and famous of the galaxy. Anyone coming from there must have pots of money to throw around. Pots of money that I'm sure the officials of Oracle Seti Alpha would love to persuade us to part with."

"Exactly," confirmed Ariane. "We'll be treated like VIPs – given anything and everything we ask for."

"Including a tour of their Science Directorate," finished Jack. "Well," he added, "I've been on plenty of undercover missions before, but I must say that I think I'm going to enjoy this one the most…"

"Jack," said Ariane, and there was a warning tone in her voice that matched the expression of amused exasperation on her face. "I like you already, and I think we're going to work together very well, but I'll say this right now: there is going to be no funny business."

Jack frowned, pouting slightly. "I can't imagine what you mean," he said, holding his hands up in mock protestation. Then his face took on a serious expression. "Don't worry," he continued. "Message received and understood. I may be a bit of an unorthodox operator, but I'm not going to do anything to jeopardise the success of this mission." Then he grinned. "Can't blame a guy for trying though, can you?"

Ariane couldn't help it – she laughed. "No, I suppose not," she replied. "Full marks for bravado. But, moving on to more pressing matters, we need to start cultivating our image as a wealthy young couple. I've managed to requisition a few things that will help us with that."

"And those would be…"

"Well, first thing's first – a Remoan jet."

Jack's jaw dropped. "No way!" he exclaimed. "You have got no idea how long I've wanted to fly one of those things. I mean, hopping around in time and space in an Agency time ship is exciting and all, but there's something about flying really, really fast in a straight line that just does it for me, you know?"

Ariane laughed again. "I suspected I might get that reaction," she said. "That's why I'm leaving all the flying to you."

* * *

A month passed, and Jack and Ariane settled into their role as a wealthy Remoan couple. Luckily, Remoa was a very cosmopolitan world, so no one questioned the fact that one of them was in fact human and the other Corzad, and neither was a native Remoan. They cultivated contacts, mingled with representatives of the highest government agencies, and spent money like water. Jack couldn't ever remember having so much fun on a mission. He had unlimited funds, a beautiful co-worker, and the chance to fly a Remoan jet whenever he felt like it. Things didn't get much better. Still, he never lost sight of their objective, and was actually beginning to get a little frustrated at his and Ariane's lack of progress. Schmoozing the officials of Oracle Seti Alpha was all very well, but they seemed to have hit a brick wall when it came to finding out anything about the government's time experiments. 

All that was about to change, however.

One evening, thirty-three days after arriving on Oracle Seti Alpha, Jack was sitting in the living area of the house he and Ariane had rented, reviewing once again all the information they had gained on the planet's government. He heard the door slam, but didn't really pay it much attention until Ariane sat down on the couch opposite him.

"We're in, Jack!"

"In where?"

"The Science Directorate! Our clearance finally came through. Governor Quidam just informed me. And you may be sure that I let him know I was very displeased about the delay. We're going to get the VIP treatment. They'll show us anything we want!"

"Whoa, hang on a sec," said Jack. "We can't just waltz in there and demand to see their time-travel technology. Don't you think that would make them just a tiny bit suspicious?" Then he chuckled. "Listen to me. Normally I'd be the one going in all guns blazing, but now I'm advocating caution. I gotta tell you, Ariane, I didn't think I'd find anyone who worked more outside the box than I did. But you've got me beat, hands down!"

Ariane laughed in return. "Sorry," she apologised. "I guess I'm just excited that we might finally be getting somewhere. You might have noticed that I don't cope well with inaction."

"Join the club," replied Jack. "Well, we won't have to cope with it any more. I've got a good feeling about our upcoming visit."

* * *

Trailing after Governor Quidam down yet another clinically white corridor, Jack sighed quietly and tried not to look bored. So far he and Ariane had seen just about every scientific breakthrough the Science Directorate had made in the last five years, but there had been not a single mention of time-travel. Suddenly, demanding to see what they were really here for didn't seem like such a crazy idea after all. 

"And now I will show you our most recent, and greatest, achievement," announced the Governor, interrupting Jack's thoughts. "If you'll follow me through here, you will see what our scientists have been working on for the past year. Of course, this is top secret, so I will have to ask you not to speak of what you've seen. But I'm sure people such as yourselves appreciate the need for discretion."

Ariane smiled and nodded. "Of course, Governor Quidam," she replied. "Be assured, our lips are sealed."

The Governor looked pleased, and then proceeded to lead them through an unmarked door and into another laboratory.

Jack's jaw all-but dropped. In front of him was a very sophisticated time machine, one almost as high-tech as those possessed by his and Ariane's respective Time Agencies. He had sincerely hoped that the reports gathered by Director Regis had been exaggerated, but one look at this device proved that they had been absolutely correct, and had perhaps even underestimated the threat.

Ariane noticed Jack's look of shock and elbowed him discreetly in the ribs. "How interesting," she said brightly to the Governor. "What exactly does it do?"

"It is a time-travelling device," replied Quidam. "Only a very simple one, I'm afraid, but we are quite proud of it. At the moment we are conducting tests to see how effective it is. In fact, would you like to see a demonstration?"

"Oh, very much," said Ariane, and Jack nodded enthusiastically in support.

The Governor smiled. "Well, let's see what we can do then, shall we? Professor Halor?" A short man in a white coat hurried over to them. "Arrange a demonstration, please. Nothing too fancy, just enough to impress our honoured guests."

Professor Halor inclined his head slightly. "As you wish, Governor." He proceeded to enlist his assistant as a volunteer. "Now, as the Governor has told you, this device only works in a limited fashion, so I will transport my assistant here five minutes into the future only. As the time is now 12:37, he should reappear at 12:42." Halor proceeded to rapidly input some calculations into his computer, and Jack and Ariane watched as a time vortex formed around the professor's assistant, making him vanish into the time-stream.

The next five minutes passed somewhat nervously. Halor bustled around the device, making sure that everything was calibrated properly, while Ariane questioned him about how it worked. From the very simplistic answers given by the professor to her very simple questions, Jack managed to deduce that the Science Directorate had indeed managed to build a fully functioning time machine, and he was fully expecting Halor's assistant to reappear right on time.

12:42 arrived, and everyone watched as the assistant did indeed reappear within a second time vortex. Jack and Ariane both applauded as he stepped out of the machine and gave a little bow.

"Wonderful, wonderful!" exclaimed Governor Quidam, clapping as well. "And now, if you will excuse me for just a few moments," he continued, addressing the two Time Agents, "I need to have a word with Professor Halor."

As the Governor and the professor moved over to the other side of the room, Ariane went to examine the time machine more closely. Meanwhile, Jack started to move slowly towards Quidam and Halor, anxious to hear what they were talking about. However, before he could very far he was accosted by the professor's assistant.

"I wouldn't do that, if I were you," said the scientist. "It would be very dangerous for you to hear what they are saying."

"Don't worry, I think I can handle it," replied Jack.

"No, you don't understand. Overhearing their conversation would bring your life to a very abrupt end, Agent Harkness."

This time Jack's jaw did drop. "What did you call me?" he hissed.

"Don't worry, I will not blow your cover. My name is Danien Sillow, and I was recruited by your Agency five years ago to keep an eye on Professor Halor and his experiments. It is from me that Director Regis got the reports that Oracle Seti Alpha had perfected its time-travel technology."

"But why didn't Regis tell me about you?"

"We couldn't risk…" Then he abruptly stopped, and Jack turned to see that Governor Quidam and Professor Halor were making their way back over to him.

"Meet me tonight, in the alley off Riathon Street," whispered Danien hurriedly, before moving off to apparently check on some computer readouts.

"Well, I hope have you enjoyed your visit to the Science Directorate?" the Governor addressed Jack.

"Very much indeed," replied Jack. "It's been very enlightening." He took Ariane's arm as she returned from where she had been examining the time machine. "We shall be thinking very seriously about the possibility of making a donation to your government."

"I am very glad to hear that," said Quidam, looking extremely pleased. "And now, if you'll follow me, I'll escort you back to your ship."

* * *

Safely ensconced back in the Remoan jet, Ariane couldn't help herself any longer. "Simple, my eye!" she exploded. "That's one of the most sophisticated time machines I've ever seen. If they're allowed to use that for much longer, the whole universe could be in danger, never mind the galaxy!" 

"Tell me about it," agreed Jack. "But we may have a way to stop them." He proceeded to tell Ariane all about Danien and what he had said, including that he wanted to meet them that night. "I think he wants to help us," he finished. "He's obviously decided that the time is right to come out of hiding and put a stop to this once and for all."

Ariane nodded. "But we should be careful, Jack," she said. "All this could be a ruse to bring us out into the open. We should proceed with caution."

* * *

Later that night, Jack and Ariane stood at the end of Riathon Street, waiting until it was safe to approach the alley. By mutual agreement they had waited until it grew dark, hoping that would make them less conspicuous. Unfortunately, the nightlife in this part of town definitely lived up to its name. Even though it was dark, there were still plenty of people around. The two Time Agents were forced to act like a couple on a date in order to remain incognito. Linking arms, they strolled up Riathon Street, hoping that they could duck into the alley when no one was looking. However, as they reached the turning into the alley, a group of rather drunk women stopped right next to it, all giggling hysterically, and all looking unashamedly at Jack as he walked past. Normally he would have preened under all the attention, but right now he wished that all the women would go away and leave him and Ariane to do their job. He wasn't entirely sure why Danien would pick this part of town for a secret meeting. It didn't seem like the easiest place to remain undetected. Then again, maybe he'd thought they'd be less obvious if they stuck to the populated areas of the city. 

As they reached the other end of Riathon Street, Jack started to wonder how they were going to turn around and walk back without looking obvious. But then Ariane gave an exclamation.

"My earring! It's fallen out! Darling, we have to go back and look for it."

Silently congratulating his partner for her ingenuity, Jack led Ariane back down the street, the pair of them scanning the ground as if looking for the lost earring. As they again approached the entrance to the alley, he cast a surreptitious look around to see if anyone was nearby this time. But luck was with them, finally. The street was, for a few moments, deserted, and the pair quickly ducked into the alley and out of sight.

However, that appeared to be the only piece of luck they were going to get that evening. Half-an-hour passed, and there was no sign of Danien.

"What time did he say he was coming?" Ariane asked Jack.

"He didn't," replied Jack shortly. "I guess we just have to wait."

But another thirty minutes passed, and then another, and still the scientist didn't appear. Silence fell in Riathon Street as all the night-revellers finally went home, and still Jack and Ariane lurked in the alley, waiting for their contact. Eventually, however, they were forced to admit that he wasn't coming.

"I don't understand," said Jack frustratedly. "He seemed like he really wanted to help."

"Maybe he got cold feet," offered Ariane. "He might have decided that it was too dangerous to reveal himself."

"Oh well," sighed Jack. "I guess we're going to have to come up with another way to put a stop to the Science Directorate's time-travelling, that's all."

The two of them walked back down the alley, checked that Riathon Street was still empty, and set off back to their house…

…where a scene of chaos and destruction greeted them.

It was as if a very small, extremely localised, bomb had gone off. Furniture was overturned, all their paperwork was scattered around, and their computers were virtually unrecognisable twisted lumps of metal and glass. Jack and Ariane looked at each other, both thinking the same thing.

"So, I guess he didn't get cold feet," said Ariane.

"Definitely not," replied Jack. "Someone must have overheard our conversation in the lab. They probably had ten security cameras trained on us the whole time. Damn!" he swore. "How could I have been so stupid?!"

"It's not your fault, Jack," said Ariane. "You couldn't have controlled the situation, and at that moment it was too good an opportunity to pass up." She looked around at the remains of their living room. "One thing's for sure," she continued. "We can't stay here. The government knows who we are now. We're going to have to act fast, and drastically, if we're going to pull this off after all."

"What did you have in mind?" asked Jack, upset that things had got to this stage, but seeing the logic in Ariane's words.

"Have you got the keys to the jet on you?"

Jack dug them out of his pocket. "Never go anywhere without them, luckily. But how is a pleasure jet going to help us now?"

"It's not just a pleasure jet," admitted Ariane. "It has a few, er…modifications."

"Such as?"

"Such as the capability to fly in orbit, and weapons powerful enough to destroy the Science Directorate from that height."

"Well, why didn't you say so before?" exclaimed Jack. "I'll admit, it's not quite the outcome I – or the Time Agency – was hoping for, but Director Regis told me to do whatever it took to get the job done, and I intend to take him at his word."

* * *

Floating several miles up in the Remoan jet, Jack looked out of the window of the craft and mused on how Earth-like Oracle Seti Alpha looked with its oceans and continents spread over the planet's surface. The orbit of the Remoan jet had carried them to the other side of the planet for the moment, where it was still daytime, but if he craned his head at an angle Jack could see the line of approaching darkness on the surface that signalled that they would soon be in the correct position for their assault on the Science Directorate. The two agents had agreed that it would be best to strike at night, when the Directorate would be empty of staff, and casualties would therefore be minimal. 

However, as he looked at the planet below, Jack felt a wave of unease sweep over him. Suddenly he wasn't at all sure that they were doing the right thing. Was this really the only way to carry out their mission? Had they been too hasty in coming to this decision?

"Jack?"

Jack started out of his reverie to find Ariane watching him somewhat sympathetically.

"Feeling nervous?" she asked.

Jack nodded. "It's not like I'm unaccustomed to violence or danger, or anything," he replied. "But very few of my missions tend to end with a large explosion. It's a little unsettling."

"Do you want me to pull the trigger?"

"No, it's alright, I'll do it," said Jack, pulling himself together. "After all, it was my Time Agency that initiated this mission. I should be the one to finish it."

Moving away from the window, he sat himself in the co-pilot's seat and began final checks on the weapons systems. Ariane sat down in the pilot's seat and watched as the navigational array confirmed that they had finally moved into the right position above the darkened half of the planet. Then she looked at Jack.

"Ready?"

Jack took a deep breath. "Ready," he confirmed. "Firing weapons…now." He pushed the button. "Missile is away. Proceeding on target. Ten seconds to impact. Five seconds…four…three…two…one."

Far away below them the missile hit the Science Directorate. Jack and Ariane watched as an explosion, small as it seemed to them, blossomed into life, an orange globe of light on the surface of the planet.

Suddenly Jack felt his unease return. Something wasn't right here. He craned his neck to see out of the window…

…just in time to see the fireball, instead of fading, shoot out in all directions, rapidly engulfing the entire city, then the region, then the continent, and finally the whole planet. The speed of it was uncanny, and within a matter of moments the entire surface was covered in fire…

* * *

Jack opened his eyes, panic engulfing him. He could feel his breath coming in short gasps, and his heart pounding in his chest. 

"Jack. Jack!" And then the Doctor was there, hugging him, trying to protect him from what they had both just witnessed. Gradually Jack felt his pulse slow and his breathing calm, until he was able to stop the shaking that was wracking his body.

"I'm sorry, Jack. I'm so sorry. "I shouldn't have…"

"Now do you believe me?" asked Jack, interrupting the Doctor's litany of apologies. "Now do you believe that I could really do such an awful thing?"

Shocked into silence by the bitterness and anger in Jack's voice, the Doctor pulled back, looking into his face from arm's length.

"It wasn't your fault, Jack," he said at last. "You couldn't know what the outcome would be."

"No," admitted Jack. "But it doesn't change the fact that a whole planet is dead, and it's my doing. Most of those people were innocent, Doctor. They probably had no idea that their government was changing their lives and their history."

The Doctor looked thoughtful. "What happened next?" he asked suddenly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, that was an awful thing that happened, but it doesn't seem like the kind of thing that would warrant taking two years of your memories."

Jack looked a little uncomfortable. "Well, I kind of had a nervous breakdown," he said slowly. "After Ariane and I had returned to our respective agencies and made our reports, I had a lot of trouble coping with what happened. I started acting up, taking unnecessary risks, jeopardising missions – anything to try and forget, basically. In the end I became a liability. But apparently Director Regis didn't want to lose that 'ingenuity and instinct' that he had seen in me. So he decided to take the rather radical step of erasing my memory of the whole incident, including all the aftermath, to try and get me back on the straight and narrow. Unfortunately, it backfired on them a little. In fact, I can't believe they didn't see the flaw in their plan. Obviously I wanted to know what was in the memories I had lost. They of course wouldn't tell me, so I decided to leave the Time Agency. Or rather, go AWOL."

But the Doctor still looked thoughtful, and even a bit unconvinced by Jack's explanation. "And what about the words?" he enquired.

Confused, Jack frowned. "What words?" he asked. He was starting to become a little annoyed by the Doctor's focus on what seemed to be trivial elements of the situation. Not that he particularly wanted the Doctor to focus on the negative aspects of his regained past, but the Time Lord had the uncanny ability of not paying attention to what was really important. Or so it seemed.

"The words you always shout out in your nightmares just before you wake up." But when Jack still looked puzzled, the Doctor realised he had to clarify. "'No. Don't. Don't make me. I can't,'" he said flatly.

Jack shook his head. "No, don't remember anything like that," he said. "Certainly no one was forcing me to pull the trigger and destroy that planet."

"And yet it's like you're resisting your actions as you dream about them," mused the Doctor. "If you're that desperate to stop yourself now, why didn't you stop yourself then? Something's not right here. Something's not right at all."

* * *

Crouched down by the central console, Jack peered underneath it, trying to determine what had gone wrong this time. The TARDIS was far and away the most advanced ship he had ever been on, but it required a lot of maintenance to keep it in top-notch condition. 

Rose was sat nearby, alternately reading a magazine and watching him work. Jack was grateful for the company, but hoped that she wouldn't try and strike up a conversation. He wasn't feeling in a very talkative mood right at the moment.

Since the Doctor had seen his memories, Jack had been feeling marginally better about things, helped of course by the fact that his and the Time Lord's relationship had moved to the next level. He was finally starting to believe that maybe he wasn't the awful person he had thought he was. What he didn't believe were the Doctor's assertions that there was something wrong with his memories. On that issue he still thought that the Doctor was clutching at straws. The fact that the Doctor had started looking at him like he was a science experiment every time they were in the same room wasn't helping matters, and had in fact led Jack to start avoiding him – again – over the past few hours. He knew this scrutiny wasn't meant to make him feel uncomfortable, and heaven knew he intensely disliked not being around the Doctor, but he just couldn't put up with any more of that dissecting gaze.

"Whatcha doing?"

Jack sighed. Evidently Rose had decided that her magazine wasn't that interesting after all, and had elected to annoy him instead. He opened his mouth to give her a long and technical answer that he hoped would put her off, when he was interrupted by the Doctor entering the control room.

"Jack, I've got it! Jack! Jack?"

For a second Jack was tempted to remain out of sight behind the console and let the Doctor think he wasn't there, but then he realised that Rose would probably give him away if he didn't show himself. Sighing again more heavily, he straightened up and announced his presence.

"I'm here, Doctor. What have you 'got'?"

"The answer to your prayers! Your memories are fake, Jack. Completely made up. An illusion. A work of fiction. I mean, there are loads of things wrong with them. That undercover agent at the Science Directorate, for a start. Why on earth wouldn't the Agency have told you about him? Of course he would have been useful to you – no question. But you were left to find him on your own, when knowing about him earlier could have saved you a lot of trouble. And all this stuff about them making major changes to their timeline is complete bollocks. I would have known about something like that. It would have created ripples in time – big ones – and I would have felt those. But I didn't. Therefore, it never happened."

"Hang on. Just wait a minute." Jack held up a hand to stop the flow of words. "That's a nice idea, Doctor, but don't you think you might be trying just a little too hard to find a solution? There could be any number of reasons why the Agency didn't tell me about Danien. Not wanting me to try and contact him and blow his cover, for example. And with regard to the time ripples, you're only one Time Lord, Doctor. There's no way you could possibly identify everything that's going on in the time vortex. Maybe if the rest of your people were still around it would have been noticed, but you alone can't keeps tabs on everything. At some point, Doctor, you're just going to have to accept what's happened. Accept that this is who I am and this is what I've done. It ain't pretty, but it's me."

For a second the Doctor looked deflated, and a little pained at the mention of his people. Then he broke into a grin. "Nope," he replied, showing his customary stubbornness. "Never going to happen. Besides, I have proof that your memories aren't real, as well as speculation, if you'll let me show it to you."

Sighing again, Jack gave in. The Doctor was an excitable guy, but the Captain had rarely seen him this animated and enthusiastic about something. And besides, he couldn't prevent the small kernel of hope that had ignited inside him at the possibility that he might not be a mass-murderer after all.

"Okay, so what do we do this time?"

"I need to see your memories again," said the Doctor. "Don't worry, not all of them," he added, upon seeing Jack's face fall. "Just a couple of select moments, enough to confirm that I'm right." He sat cross-legged on the floor, and Jack sat opposite him. Rose stood off to one side, watching curiously. Neither of the men had requested privacy, and she wasn't about to miss this for the world.

The Doctor took Jack's hands, and just for a moment Jack allowed himself to take comfort in the feel of the Doctor's skin on his. Then he closed his eyes and tried to empty his mind of everything but the influence of the TARDIS.

_Jack? Can you hear me?_

_I can hear you._

_I need you go back to the beginning. Show me that first meeting in Director Regis's office._

_Okay._ Jack was slightly confused by the Doctor's desire to see that part of the memory, of all things, but he complied without a question. Once again he walked down the corridor, knocked on the door, and was shown into the Director's office. He sat down and again refused Regis's offer of a drink. Then he was shown the image of Oracle Seti Alpha on the computer screen, and told its name by the Director.

_Stop. That's all I need from this part. Now, can you skip forward to the bit where you're looking out of the jet's window from orbit? I just need to be absolutely sure._

Still wondering what the Doctor was getting at, Jack obliged. Once again the oceans and continents of Oracle Seti Alpha were spread out below him, and he felt that same wave of unease wash over him.

_Okay, that's it. You can stop now, Jack. We don't need to go any further._

Puzzled, Jack opened his eyes. As far as he could tell, the Doctor hadn't requested to see anything of particular significance, and he was at a loss to understand how this was going to prove that his memories were fake.

"That's it?" asked Rose, her voice echoing Jack's own sense of disappointment. "But you didn't do anything. You hardly even got started before you were done."

"That was all I needed," said the Doctor, and when Jack looked at him he was surprised to see that the Doctor was once again wearing his trademark manic grin, as if all his Christmases and birthdays had come at once.

But when the Captain's face remained blank, the grin faltered a little and the Doctor tutted with annoyance. "You know, sometimes I think it's a curse to be quite this clever," he said. "No one ever has a clue what I'm talking about. The planet!" he exclaimed, after a pause. "It's not real."

"What do you mean, it's not real?" asked Jack. "It looked real enough to me."

"Ah, but that's because it was supposed to," replied the Doctor. "But it was actually made up of lots of bits from lots of different planets. Now, I'm not necessarily saying that I've heard of every planet in the universe, but I was a bit suspicious when the name Oracle Seti Alpha didn't ring even the faintest of bells. And it turns out that's because it's a complete fake! That mountain range across the north-eastern continent, for example. Actually the Neireid Mountain Chain from Molox Five. And the large lake near the equator? Lake Bongo from Bilkan Simera. I can show you a map if you like. And did you notice the gulf stretching all the way to the south pole? Really the Reijak Fjord from Hantoo Vitor. The…"

"Okay, okay, okay," said Jack, jumping in before the Doctor could demonstrate the entirety of his knowledge of intergalactic geography. "I believe you. I believe you, Doctor." Then he paused, thinking about what he had just said. "I…believe you," he said again slowly. "I really do. Which means…that you must be right. It's all made up. I didn't do that terrible thing. I'm not a mass-murderer."

"No, Jack, you're not." The Doctor had stepped up to him, and now put his hand under Jack's chin, lifting his head so he could look into his eyes. "I never believed that for a second. And now you can believe it too." He kissed Jack softly, tasting the salt on the other man's lips as tears trickled down his cheeks. Both men could have stayed in that moment forever, except for one tiny problem.

"Er…excuse me?" Rose cleared her throat, trying not to be indiscreet, but at the same time needing to point something out. She was a little shocked by the pair's display of affection, but was quickly getting over it in the face of a rather more important issue.

Jack and the Doctor drew apart and looked at her.

"Aren't we back to square one now?" she continued, somewhat hesitantly. "Okay, so you've proved that Jack's memories are fake, Doctor, but he still doesn't know what really happened during those two years."

And there it was. That one little problem that would prevent any of them from getting any peace of mind until it was solved.

Jack turned to Rose. "It doesn't matter," he said, trying to put a brave face on things. "And besides, we've run out of options. The information wasn't in the Agency archives, and their technology can't drag it out of the recesses of my brain, so I guess I'll just have to live with not knowing."

"We haven't run out of options." The Doctor's voice was quiet, and a little hesitant, as if he wasn't quite sure what the reaction to his words would be. "There is one more thing we could try."

"Well, let's do it then!" exclaimed Rose. "What are we waiting for?"

"It's extremely dangerous," replied the Doctor. "So dangerous that I wouldn't have even mentioned it if it wasn't Jack's last chance."

"Well, what is it?" asked Jack, although he had a sneaking suspicion he already knew.

"You look into the heart of the TARDIS."


	3. Part Three

Disclaimer: The Doctor and all his companions are the property of the BBC and Russell T. Davies. They are not mine, nor will they ever be.

Spoilers: 'Boom Town'

A/N: set between 'Boom Town' and 'Bad Wolf'

The Doors of the Mind

Part Three 

Jack's mind was in turmoil. On the one hand, he saw the Doctor's suggestion that he look into the heart of the TARDIS as his last chance to find out what his missing memories really held. But on the other hand, he knew what a dangerous idea it could prove to be. Nobody knew what they would see if they looked into that well of time and space and knowledge.

"Why on earth didn't you mention this before? We could have saved ourselves, and Jack, a lot of time and trouble." Rose sounded indignant, and while Jack was grateful that she was willing to leap to his defence, on this occasion she really didn't know what she was talking about.

"Because it could be incredibly dangerous," replied the Doctor, echoing Jack's earlier thought. "Who knows what will happen if Jack looks into the heart of the TARDIS? You saw what happened to Margaret. She regressed all the way back to an egg. Do you really want that to happen to Jack? Or it could send him completely insane. A lot of people can't cope with what they find out about themselves if they pursue this course of action."

"Er…excuse me." Both Rose and the Doctor turned to look at Jack, who had been standing quietly by while they had their mini-argument. "First of all, if I regress back to an egg I'll be so small you won't be able to see me, and you'll probably step on me while trying to find me. Which would be the end of the problem. And secondly, I don't think looking into the heart of the TARDIS is going to send me any more insane than not remembering my memories, and yet knowing that there was a way I could have found out about them." He took a deep breath, trying to steady his rattling nerves. "Let's do this, Doctor."

The Doctor looked at Jack carefully. "Jack, do you really understand what this means?" he asked. "Whatever your memories really hold, it must be something pretty big in order for the Time Agency to take them, but also plant false ones in case you ever managed to break through the block in your mind. Are you prepared to deal with what you might find? Forgive me for saying this, but you didn't exactly cope very well the last time around, and those memories weren't real."

"I know," replied Jack. "But I think that situation taught me something. Like the fact that there will always be someone who believes in you, no matter how awful you think you are." He smiled at the Doctor. "I trust you, Doctor. I know you won't let me down. Ever."

The Doctor grinned at him, then led him around the central console until he was standing on the same spot where the Slitheen Margaret had turned into an egg.

"But how are we going to expose the heart of the TARDIS?" asked Rose. "Last time it took a pretty big burst of energy to do it. I hope you're not planning on blowing something up, Doctor."

"The TARDIS knows that this is important," said the Doctor. "It can feel what I feel, and I know that this is necessary. It understands the need for what has to happen."

But the Doctor's voice sounded like it was getting fainter, and Jack almost turned his head to see if the Time Lord was walking away from them or something. But then he became aware of a bright light, so bright that it hurt his eyes, and all at once he was inside his own mind.

* * *

At first there was a just a jumble of images and snatches of memory, as the TARDIS rifled through his mind to find what it sort. Jack saw briefly the moment when he had graduated from the Time Academy, his first mission as a fully fledged agent, his initial meeting with Rose inside the stolen Chula ship, and his first kiss with the Doctor. But then all these images were wiped away, and Jack found himself in a situation that was at once familiar and at the same time completely new to him. 

He was walking down that same corridor towards Director Regis's office, just as he had been at the beginning of his fake memories. And, as before, he knocked on the door, was admitted by the secretary, and was instructed to enter the inner office. But it was here that events diverged somewhat.

"Sit down, Harkness." The Director's voice was serious, with none of the forced friendliness of the other memory. "I'll get straight to the point. There is a very important, and very secret, mission that we need you to carry out for us. It will require discretion and ingenuity. Do you think you can handle that?"

"Yes, sir," replied Jack. "You can count on me. What is the mission, sir?"

"There is a war raging, Harkness. One that needs to be stopped, right now. It's been going on for a long time, so long that it's virtually come to a stalemate. The two sides are bitter enemies, but neither seems confident enough to make the final big move that would put an end to the conflict. We need you to go in there and try and solve the problem. Whether that's by negotiation, or by simply persuading one side to make a move on the other, we don't care. This war needs to end, and it needs to end now."

Jack hid his surprise at the matter-of-fact way that Regis had informed him that millions of people might have to die, and asked the question that seemed most obvious. "Why haven't I heard of this war before, sir? If it's so important and it's been going on for so long, it seems like something that would be in the history books."

"It is not being fought in a time or place that we can observe," replied the Director. "It took a lot of research and effort for us to even become aware of it, but now that we are, it is vital that it is brought to an end."

Suddenly there was a flicker in the memory, and for a moment Jack felt the Doctor's presence clearly in his mind, felt the start of surprise from the Time Lord that Regis's words had elicited. Then it was suppressed, and Jack slipped back into the memory.

"We can send you to exactly the right time and place for you to infiltrate yourself into the situation. Once there, it is your choice what to do, so long as you fulfil the ultimate objective of the mission. Unfortunately, we don't have much more intelligence on the war than what I've already told you, so you'll be going in pretty much blind. Are you prepared to accept this mission, Harkness?"

Jack nodded. "I am, sir. It sounds intriguing. I won't disappoint you, Director."

From there the memory spun on through the necessary preparation for the mission – boring, mundane stuff – until the moment came for Agent Harkness to actually input the space-time coordinates into his time ship and land himself in the middle of a war. The coordinates themselves didn't seem to be particularly special – in fact they were downright _un_-special, planting him right in a time and place that history noted as being particularly dull. But Jack knew that, due to the un-historical nature of the war he was about to try and stop, his ship had been specially modified to take him to the rather unusual space-time setting, and that therefore the dullness of the actual history was just a cover. It was all very complicated, according to Director Regis, and although he was a Time Agent, Jack didn't pretend to understand all of it – he was just going where he was told.

"Initiating final checks," he said into his mouthpiece to the guys at HQ. "Preparing for time-jump in thirty seconds. Vortex generators are online, coordinates are set. Jump in ten seconds. And five…four…three…two…one."

There was the familiar-unfamiliar feeling of being dislocated in time as his ship spun through the time vortex, and then his readouts announced that he had arrived at his destination.

However, there didn't seem to be anything there. His ship hung in a region of space that appeared to be completely devoid of solar systems, planets, or even asteroids. The star-field was out there, but that was it. It was as if he had dropped into a very big no-mans land on the day that both armies had declared a hiatus.

And yet, Jack knew his arrival hadn't gone unobserved. On the surface everything appeared static and calm, but the Time Agent knew that he was being watched. Maybe not from close by, in either time or space, but someone was definitely there. It was like being caught between two cautious, but very hostile, predators. It was just a question of which would get to him first.

He quickly decided that announcing his presence further was probably not the way to go. He had a distinct feeling that both of the sides involved in this war wouldn't take too kindly to an intrusion by a terran Time Agent. He needed to be more discreet than that.

But, all of a sudden, the choice was taken out of his hands as his communications display lit up, signalling an incoming transmission.

"Who are you?" The voice was strange, mechanical and stilted, almost as if it was issuing from a computer.

Jack decided that discreet was still the way to go. "Just a passer-by," he replied. "Nobody, really."

"How did you get here?" The questions were sharp and to the point, as if details were irrelevant.

"Not really sure. Got a bit lost, I guess."

"You are lying. Nobody comes here. It is not allowed. You are an intruder."

Jack didn't like the way the conversation, if you could call it that, was going. Hastily he tried to diffuse the hostility in the alien voice. "Look, I'm not an intruder. I'm only here by mistake. I'll be on my way as soon as you like."

"It is too late. You have broken the treaty. You will be punished."

"Look, you've made a mistake. What treaty?" asked Jack, but it was too late. In the empty space in front of him an armada of ships materialised out of a time vortex, surrounding his vessel in a matter of seconds. They looked none too friendly, and Jack suddenly began to wonder what exactly he had gotten himself into. Then the mechanical voice spoke again.

"Intruder, you have broken the Cessation of Espionage Treaty. We will not allow this. You will be exterminated."

* * *

In retrospect, Jack acknowledged to himself later, he should have known what the mission was. A war that was 'not being fought in a time or place that we can observe' could mean only one thing. But that event was the stuff of myth, a tale that academy cadets told each other to try and increase the excitement of time-travelling. That it had actually happened was severely in doubt, and it had long been accepted as 'just a story.' 

Jack Harkness, of course, now knew differently. He was travelling with the only survivor of that war, one person alone left from billions of combatants.

But none of that occurred to him at the moment that he realised what exactly he had done, at the moment that the TARDIS withdrew itself from his mind at the behest of the Doctor and he found himself back in the control room with Rose and the Time Lord.

For a moment he couldn't speak, he could only think about the new horror in his mind. Then his mouth found some words to say, to stutter through teeth that were chattering so hard they nearly drowned out his voice.

"The…the Time War."

"Yes." The Doctor's voice was hard and cold and flat, and it was that which finally brought Jack properly back to his senses, and made him realise the awful truth.

"Oh god."

"God can't help you now."

Rose was confused. "What's going on? I don't understand. What about the Time War?"

"It destroyed my people and it destroyed the Daleks. And why? Because one stupid human stuck his nose in where it didn't belong!"

"But, Doctor," continued Rose timidly, frightened by the vehemence in the Doctor's voice and not wanting to upset him further, "you said you were responsible for the destruction of the Time Lords and the Daleks. That it was the only way to stop the Daleks from gaining control, from winning."

"That is true, yes," conceded the Doctor. "But why were they so close to gaining that control? Because they thought that the Time Lords had sent someone to spy on them, and that violated the only treaty ever made in the whole history of the war!" The Doctor was nearly shouting now, and Rose recoiled from the anger in his face. The Time Lord noticed her fright and suddenly his expression calmed and he smiled at her, but it was a brittle, hard expression, one full of bitterness and heartache.

"The Cessation of Espionage Treaty," he explained. "Not the most snappy title ever thought up, but it did exactly what it said on the tin. The Time Lords and the Daleks had been fighting the Time War for so long that it had reached a deadlock. Both sides had been spying on the other throughout time and space until there was practically nothing left to learn about the enemy. In an unprecedented move, the two sides agreed to stop all forms of espionage, as it was getting us nowhere and was creating suspicion and dissention among the various members of each race. In reality it was a small concession for both sides, since the Daleks were so confident in their superiority that they felt they didn't need to spy anymore, and the Time Lords had other, much more subtle, ways of finding out what they wanted to know, in any case. After the treaty was signed, a kind of uneasy peace fell. The stalemate was such that only a very big move – and I mean the kind of move that would obliterate the opposing side – would end the war. My people knew that such a move could be devastating to the whole of time and space, and were understandably reluctant to engage in any such action. And even the Daleks realised that a galaxy without anyone else to rule over wouldn't make much of an empire. So we were just sitting and watching each other, hoping to find a way to win without destroying all of history. And then he shows up."

Both the Doctor and Rose turned to look at Jack, who for the whole time had simply been standing there, not saying a word and staring at some point in space about halfway between himself and the Doctor. There was a pause, as if the Doctor expected him to say something, but when he didn't the Time Lord went on with his explanation.

"As I said, the Daleks assumed that the Captain here was a Time Lord spy, and that we had therefore broken the treaty. You've met a Dalek, Rose. You must have noticed that they're not the most well-balanced of creatures. They thought the treaty had been violated, and they interpreted it as a direct act of aggression on the part of the Time Lords towards the Dalek race. It tipped them over the edge. They made their move. A move that would have wiped out the Time Lords and left the Daleks as the most powerful beings in the galaxy. Of course, that wasn't something that could be allowed to happen. But they launched an all-out attack on us. One that was so devastating that they all-but gained control of my planet and all its technology. I did the only thing that I could do to prevent that. I destroyed my home and my people. I wiped out the Daleks, but I also wiped out the Time Lords."

"Doctor…" Jack had found his voice again at last. "I'm…sorry. I know it's not enough, but I am…so very, very sorry."

"You're right." The Doctor's voice was cold and hard again. "It's not enough. My people are gone, and it's your fault. I always wondered what it was that provoked the Daleks. And now I know. Who knows how the war might have ended if things had been allowed to continue as they were? But once again, some stupid humans thought that they could make everything their business, and as usual it all went horribly wrong."

"I'm sorry," Jack said again. "I know there's nothing I can ever do to make this right, but…"

"There is one thing you could do," said the Doctor, interrupting him.

"Name it. Anything."

"Leave. That's all. Just leave."

"Doctor, please!" interjected Rose. "You can't. It's not…"

"No, Rose. It is fair," said Jack, finishing her sentence for her. "He's right. I'll leave. I'll leave now. You'll never have to see me again."

* * *

The good-bye was a tearful one, at least on Rose's part, and Jack was grateful that at least one person would be sorry to see him go, even as her tears made his already aching heart hurt even more. The Doctor stood on the other side of the room, watching their parting impassively, although Jack could tell that his anger was still there, simmering under the surface. The Time Lord didn't say anything, and Jack, in turn, didn't try and say good-bye. Instead he hugged Rose one final time. 

"Take care of him for me," he said, nodding towards the Doctor. "He's going through a lot of pain right now, and he needs you to be there for him, even if he doesn't know it."

"But…"

"Promise me," interrupted Jack, not wanting to hear her protestations.

Rose hesitated, and then nodded. "I promise," she whispered.

Jack smiled. "Thank you. Well," he continued, hefting his bag on to his shoulder, " I guess it's time for me to go. See you around, kid." Then he smiled again, somewhat sadly. "Or maybe I won't," he added. Planting a soft kiss on Rose's forehead, he turned and left the TARDIS.

Caught up in her tears, Rose didn't notice the Doctor quietly exiting control room.

* * *

Days passed and turned into weeks, then months, then years. Bereft now of any friendship, self-worth, or purpose, Jack returned to his old lifestyle as the dashing conman. He flirted and conned his way around the galaxy and through history, never stopping anywhere long enough for anything except the completion of his latest con…or his latest conquest. It was a fun and exciting way of life – every day different, every new scam a challenge. 

Except that Jack wasn't finding it particularly fun or exciting any more. On the outside he preserved the persona of a charming rogue, capable of conning people with so much charisma and so much ingenuity that they barely even minded being taken advantage of.

But all that was just on the surface. On the inside he was empty. Any enjoyment he might have taken in life had been ripped away from him with the revelation of what he had done to the Time Lords, of what he had done to the Doctor. He missed both the Doctor and Rose terribly, but the awful ache that arose in his chest whenever he thought of them meant that he tried to put them, and his regained memories, out of his mind as much as possible. He had little realised how much he had grown into his life on board the TARDIS. You couldn't have said it was steady or safe, but he had finally found a place where he could be comfortable, and where he felt like he belonged.

And then of course there was the Doctor himself. But there Jack's thoughts always came to a grinding halt. He couldn't even contemplate what losing the Doctor meant to him, so he preferred not to think about it at all.

He supposed he could have just ended it all, but despite not having anything to live for, he was too much of a coward to resort to suicide. So instead he carried on with his shallow, one-dimensional life, subsisting on one-night-stands and elaborate schemes to cheat people out of their money and possessions.

Of course, it didn't help that he was now a wanted man. When he had originally gone AWOL from the Time Agency, he had known that all Time Agents would have been told to keep an eye out for him, and to bring him back to face judgement if they ever caught him. But the Agency's confidence in their memory manipulation techniques, along with the added safeguard of planted false memories, meant that no one was actively searching for him. He had crossed paths with other Time Agents a couple of times before meeting up with the Doctor, but each time he had managed to slip away without too much bother.

But now the Time Agency was actively trying to find him. His unauthorised visit to the Agency had not gone unnoticed, of course, and Jack had known that it was only a matter of time before they worked out that he was responsible. While he was on board the TARDIS this hadn't mattered. He was safe there – untouchable and unfindable. But now he was without that protection, and it was becoming more and more difficult to avoid the agents specifically assigned to find him. He was only one man with one ship, while they had all the resources of the Time Agency behind them.

The problem was, his lifestyle as a conman didn't really tally with keeping a low profile. But conning was just about the only thing he knew how to do apart from be a Time Agent. Travelling with Rose and the Doctor had begun to show him another side to himself, but that was gone now, along with any chance of ever becoming a good person.

So he continued bouncing around through time and space, pulling off ever-more elaborate schemes and simultaneously trying to avoid being captured by his former employers. And gradually he also became more successful at suppressing his feelings and his memories, until he became nothing more than a shell of a man, continuing to live with no purpose or reason, except to avoid spending the rest of that life looking at the inside of a jail cell.

And so, three years, eleven months, two weeks, and six days after regaining his memories, Jack Harkness found himself back on Earth in the middle of the Second World War. He had landed a few months after the time when he had previously been there, not wanting to risk crossing his own timeline…or seeing the Doctor again. He had thought about looking up Algy again, but decided against it for the reason that it wasn't fair to subject his friend to the new and unimproved Captain Harkness.

He wasn't entirely sure why he had come back to this time and place – he sure as hell didn't need any more reminders of what he had lost. But it seemed like as good a place as any to hide from the Time Agency – fifty-first century government had a hard time believing that anyone would want to voluntarily experience such a backward period of history as the twentieth-century Earth in the middle of its biggest conflict.

It was the night of the 22nd April 1941, shortly before the end of the Blitz, and Jack had wandered down to the Embankment, partly to clear his head and partly to escape the attentions of the women at the rather shady nightclub he had taken to frequenting. Sure, they were lookers, but their obviousness was beginning to grate on him.

So he had ended up stood by the banks of the Thames, listening to the wail of air raid sirens signalling the approach of the Germans for the first time that night, and watching the orange glow of the explosions as buildings across the river were bombed.

The night, apart from the intermittent bomb blasts, was peaceful. It seemed that he was entirely alone. But Jack knew that he wasn't. He knew that he was not the only person stood out there watching the Germans destroy Britain's capital. So he showed not a flicker of surprise when a tall man dressed in dark clothes walked up and stood beside him.

"What do you want?" There was no happiness or sadness, anger or enthusiasm in Jack's voice – it was the voice of a man whose every emotion has drained away, a man who no longer cares about anything, a man who wouldn't react even if the person he wanted to see most in the whole universe had suddenly appeared beside him.

"I want to talk to you."

"Well, you'd better talk then, hadn't you? Can't guarantee I'll listen, though."

"I'm sorry."

Jack gave short bark of cynical laughter. "Do me a favour! I've heard it all before, and let me tell you, I don't tend to believe people when they say those words any more."

"You should believe me."

Straightening up, Jack left off his contemplation of the air raid and turned to face the man standing beside him.

"Why? Give me one good reason _why_ I should believe you, Doctor."

The Doctor looked at Jack, and what he saw shocked and saddened him to his very core. Here was a man who was dead on the inside, a man who had given up on life. And this was a situation that he had caused.

"Because it's the truth," he answered softly. "I have no better reason than that. I realise that you don't want to believe me, but it is the truth, Jack. It really is."

"Well, I'm not sure if it's enough," said Jack flatly. "Look, I realise I did an awful, terrible, unforgivable thing, and I know that I deserved your anger and your disgust, but what happened made me realise that a man shouldn't trust anyone but himself. I trusted you, Doctor, and we both got burned. I won't make that mistake again."

"But…"

"No," interrupted Jack. "Don't say anything else. Because if you do, I might start to believe you. And neither of us can afford to let that happen. Good-bye, Doctor." So saying, Jack turned his back on the Doctor and walked off into the darkness.

* * *

As Jack walked back to his lodgings, he tried to believe that he had just done the right thing. He hadn't shown it, but he would have given just about anything to accept the Doctor's apology and throw himself into the Time Lord's arms. 

Except that he had spoken the truth when he had said that he was reluctant to trust anyone else any more. All that had come out of their being together was pain and heartache, both for himself and for the Doctor. In the long run it would be better for both of them if they were separated.

But these thoughts didn't dull the longing ache that had arisen in Jack's chest upon seeing the Doctor again, and more than once he nearly turned back. But he held his resolve, and eventually managed to get back to his flat.

Standing on the front doorstep fumbling with his keys, he told himself sternly that this was the end of it – no more Doctor, no more Rose, no more TARDIS. It was just him, and him alone, from now on.

Suddenly, his ears were assaulted by the high-pitched wail of a feedback loop from a megaphone, and then a loud voice range out along his street.

"Jack Harkness! Put your hands on your head and turn around slowly. Step away from the door. No sudden movements. You are surrounded."

Jack paused for just a fraction of a second, which was all the time it took for him to decide that he definitely wasn't going to go down without a fight. Then he pulled his gun out from under his jacket, at the same time leaping sideways off his doorstep and into the mouth of a conveniently situated alley just next to his building. Shots rang out, and his front door was peppered with bullet holes, right where his head had been only milliseconds before.

Knowing the situation was hopeless, Jack nonetheless answered with a few shots of his own, but since he had no idea where his assailants actually were, it ultimately ended up being a waste of ammunition. Pinned down in an alley, with limited bullets, it was only a matter of time before the Time Agents sent to capture him succeeded in their mission. Cursing softly at his own stupidity, Jack fired a few more rounds off into the darkness, and then stopped to listen, trying to work out where the agents might be coming from.

But instead of the sound of surreptitious footsteps and the controlled breathing of someone trying to creep up on him, Jack heard a very different noise – the mechanical thrum of the TARDIS as it landed right behind him in the alleyway. As soon as it had fully materialised, the door opened and Rose stuck her head out and beckoned to him vehemently.

But when Jack didn't move, she gave a loud sigh and reached out to grab his arm. "What are you waiting for, an engraved invitation? Come on!"

Still somewhat surprised at the reappearance of the TARDIS, Jack allowed himself to be dragged inside. Rose slammed the door shut behind him, just in time. Jack could hear the sound of gunshots as the Time Agents outside fired on the ship.

"Got him, Doctor! We can leave any time you like." Rose hurried over to the central console, where the Doctor was busily manipulating the controls to take them out of range of both irate Time Agents and stray German bombs.

But Jack remained standing where he was, just inside the door, feeling both grateful to have been rescued, and a little like he had been hi-jacked. The whole situation reminded him uncannily of the time that he had first met Rose and Doctor – they had ultimately snatched him right out if the jaws of death on that occasion too. And, like that first time, he wasn't exactly sure what his reception was going to be once they were safely out of danger.

A few minutes later everything had calmed down. The TARDIS had shifted down a gear to its usual contented hum, Rose had thrown herself on to the bench next to the console and was fanning herself with a magazine, and the Doctor had returned to his eternal tinkering with the ship's circuits.

"So, I take it that was the Time Agency, then? Not very popular with them at the moment, are you?" The Doctor's voice was conversational, and he didn't look up from the panel he was examining as he asked his questions.

"Er…yes, and no," replied Jack hesitantly, still not exactly sure where all this was going.

"Oh well, they can't get you here," said the Doctor. "I know!" he exclaimed suddenly. "A nice cup of tea, that's what we all need. Great for soothing the nerves. Rose, would you do the honours, please."

Making a show of being annoyed, Rose levered herself off the bench and headed for the kitchen. However, as she exited the control room she threw Jack a significant look, one that left him feeling more confused than ever.

"Doctor, what's going on here?" he asked tentatively, afraid to provoke an adverse reaction.

"Didn't think I was going to give up that easily, did you?" replied the Doctor. "You don't get to be nine-hundred years old by giving up every time you encounter an obstacle, you know."

"But I thought I made myself pretty clear on the subject," said Jack, feeling a little put out that his opinions on the matter weren't being taken into account.

"And I think I made myself pretty clear too," answered the Doctor, looking at Jack for the first time since he had entered the TARDIS. "Now, are you going to come away from that door, or do I have to come over there and drag you away?"

There was a very slight twinkle in the Doctor's eye as he said this, but for once Jack wasn't going to allow himself to be drawn into any flirting. Still, the Doctor was right. He did look like an idiot hovering by the door, as if he was going to run away any second. Not that there was anywhere to run to right at this moment. Slowly he stepped away from the door, coming to a halt again about halfway between it and the Doctor.

The Doctor looked faintly disappointed that Jack hadn't come all the way to him, but then seemed to accept it with a shrug of his shoulders. "I suppose I can't ask for more at the moment," he muttered to himself. And when Jack didn't seem inclined to reinitialise the conversation, the Doctor shrugged again, realising that it was up to him to make the next move.

"You didn't, you know," he said cryptically.

"Didn't what?" asked Jack, forced into speech.

"Do an awful, terrible, unforgivable thing. In fact, you didn't do anything."

"Er, Doctor, in case you hadn't noticed, I provoked the Daleks into making a destructive move on the Time Lords, one that ultimately resulted in their annihilation."

The Doctor's brow momentarily creased with pain, then cleared. "That would have happened eventually anyway," he said. "It was only a matter of time. The point is, it wasn't your fault that my people were destroyed. It was mine. I did what I had to do, and it would have had to have been done whether you had showed up or not. But that doesn't stop me from feeling guilty about it every single day. And I thought having someone to blame would lessen that guilt."

"And did it?"

"No. If anything it made it worse. Because not only did I still feel guilty about what I'd done to my people, but I also felt guilty about what I'd done to you."

"I understand, Doctor." And Jack did understand. He had never blamed the Doctor for pushing him away, he had only ever blamed himself. And now it seemed that the Doctor was trying to relieve that burden. Unfortunately, it wasn't going to be that easy. "It doesn't change the fact that I was there, though," Jack continued. "And that I had a hand in the downfall of the Time Lords."

"Not your hand, Jack," replied the Doctor. "The Time Agency's. They knew exactly what they were doing when they sent you into the Time War. They never saw negotiation as a valid option. You were there purely to provoke a catastrophic end to the war, bringing about the destruction of both sides. That was a situation from which the Agency couldn't fail to profit. Not only were the Daleks, the most power-hungry and destructive race in the galaxy, wiped out, but the Time Lords were also removed, meaning that they couldn't interfere in or regulate the Time Agency's activities. I can't imagine that Director Regis would have been particularly happy with someone like me turning up to offer him advice or warnings every time he wanted to do something that would adjust the timeline."

Jack smiled faintly at the thought of Director Regis being instructed in the finer points of time travel by the Doctor. Then the Doctor's voice brought him back to attention again.

"How the Agency managed to discover the Time War within the Time Vortex, we'll probably never know. I told you that it wiped the Daleks and the Time Lords out of time completely, so by rights we shouldn't have been there to find. But find us they did, and they were therefore ultimately responsible for the end of the war, and the erasure of those involved from history altogether."

"Stop," said Jack suddenly. "You're making my head spin." He smiled ruefully. "I was never very good at the temporal physics side of things," he admitted. "I just went where I was told and carried out the mission."

"And that's why the Agency chose you," replied the Doctor. "They knew that you wouldn't question the orders you had been given too much, and therefore create any problems."

"At least until afterwards," corrected Jack. "They wouldn't have wiped my memory otherwise. But then again, they were probably always going to mess with my mind," he continued speculatively. "There was no way I could avoid realising what I had landed in the middle of after meeting the Daleks. And the Agency couldn't afford to have an agent on its hands who knew that the Time War was more than just a myth."

"What happened to you after you did meet the Daleks, anyway?" asked the Doctor. "That's the one part I don't get. The whole mission, from the meeting with Regis to the encounter with the Daleks, only took a few days from your point-of-view. Why did the Time Agency take two years of your memory? I kind of cut you off before finding that part out," he finished a little sheepishly.

"Well, actually, it turns out that the Time Agency didn't really take two years of my memories," replied Jack, smiling wryly. "After the Daleks announced they were going to exterminate me, I only had a few seconds to get myself out of there," he explained. "Not really enough time to make any particularly accurate calculations on my instruments. In my hurry I slightly misdialled, as it were, and ended up back at the Agency two years after I left. I told them what had happened, and they deduced that I had been successful. And then they wiped what little I knew of the whole event from my mind, but without bothering to send me back to the exact time I had come from first. So here I was, two years later, with no memory of what had happened in those two years. Which turned out to be because I hadn't actually lived through them at all!"

"Ah," said the Doctor. And there didn't really seem to be much more to be said on the subject than that. Then: "So, where does this leave us, then?"

Jack shrugged. "Not really sure," he said. "I can't deny that I've really missed you, and Rose, over the past four years, but…"

"Whoa, hold on a second. Four years?! You've been alone for four years?"

"Well, yes. Although I wouldn't say that I've been alone, exactly. Why, how long has it been since you last saw me?"

"A month. A month that I spent nearly pretty much all of searching for you," replied the Doctor. "Rose made me see how stupid I was being pretty quickly," he added. "But by the time we returned to where I'd dumped you, you were already gone."

"Yes, I'm resourceful like that," said Jack ruefully. "Of course, there was the added complication that I was also trying to hide from the Agency," he continued. "Although I'm quite surprised you didn't think to look for me in the 1940s sooner. That was a bit of an obvious destination, on my part."

The Doctor looked sheepish again. "The thought never crossed my mind," he admitted. "At least, not until Rose suddenly thought of it herself." Then his face turned serious. "Four years," he repeated softly. "I'm sorry."

Jack smiled. "You know, if you say that often enough, I might finally start to believe you," he said.

"Well, in that case, I really, really am sorry," said the Doctor emphatically.

"Okay, okay, enough already. I believe you!" said Jack, holding his hands up in mock-surrender. "You don't have to say it again. Quite apart from anything else, I don't think I could cope with seeing you grovelling on your knees. Although…" he mused, suddenly flashing a wicked grin, "on your knees doesn't sound quite so bad after all…"

"Oh, please, will you two get a room!" Rose had returned, balancing three mugs of tea rather precariously on a tray. Putting it down on the bench she had recently vacated, she turned to Jack and the Doctor. "So, can I take it that everything is sorted out between you two, then?" she asked. "Honestly, you should have seen him," she continued, addressing Jack and gesturing to the Doctor. "Talk about one track mind. It's been 'Jack this' and 'Jack that' for the last month solid. He never gave up on finding you, you know," she added more gently. "Although I did have to bang some sense into that head of his first, of course."

The Doctor coughed. "Yes, thank you, Rose," he said, rather loudly. But it was too late.

"Wow, Doctor. I knew you cared, but I didn't know you cared that much," said Jack, his voice dripping with innuendo. "I think you're going have to prove to me that what Rose says is true."

Rose sighed. "For the final time, will you two get…a…room," she protested.

The Doctor rolled his eyes at Rose and then looked at Jack. "I will prove it to you, Jack," he said, moving closer to the other man. "Starting right now." Taking Jack's face in his hands, he kissed him forcefully, putting as much proof as he could into that one action. When the kiss ended the two men drew apart and then rested their foreheads together.

"So, are we alright then?" asked the Doctor.

"Not yet," replied Jack seriously. "There's still a lot to come to terms with here, and we still have a lot to talk about."

The Doctor rolled his eyes again. "Oh great, more talking," he said.

"But all that can wait until morning," continued Jack. "Right here and now, let's just say that we're not alright yet, but I think we're going to be."


End file.
